6 Ways to Build Attraction and Connection During Conversations
How To Turbo-Charge Your Dating Life Through Female Friends
6 Common Objections and How To Handle Them
By the worlds #1 dating coach for Introverted Men - Nick Neeson.
I get a lot of guys who write in to ask me how to behave with women.
Many of those questions focus on conversations.
I thought I’d share six ways that I feel are VITAL to have a natural, free-flowing conversation with women you’ve just met.
Many of those questions focus on conversations.
I thought I’d share six ways that I feel are VITAL to have a natural, free-flowing conversation with women you’ve just met.
1. Have a set of requirements.
If you ever start acting all nervous or freakish on a date, stop yourself and think of your requirements.
I’ve noticed a KEY difference between how men and women act on dates.
Women usually act in a way that can be described like this:
“I think you’re interesting. I’d like to get to know you better, and we can see where this will lead us.”
Men usually act in a way that can be described like this:
“I want you so much that I’m nervous. In fact, I’m already thinking about you and me in a relationship or getting married…or at least having a one-night stand.”
In other words, women are usually casual and laid-back on dates.
But men tend to behave like every woman is the POTENTIAL MOTHER OF THEIR FUTURE CHILDREN.
I think you can see this creates a lot of tension and pressure.
And I’m not talking about the RIGHT kind of tension. I’m talking about the kind that makes guys shiver and shake with nervousness, and makes women feel uncomfortable because they can sense it.
I’m sure you can relate to this on some level.
The solution to this is quite simple.
HAVE A SET OF REQUIREMENTS.
If you ever start acting all nervous or freakish on a date, stop yourself and think of your requirements.
Act like a CEO that is recruiting someone.
Act like a CEO that is recruiting someone. It helps you to keep your composure.
A set of requirements helps you in so many ways.
First off, as I just said, it helps you to keep your composure. That’s because you won’t be sold so easily.
Second, it makes the conversation much more interesting, because you now have a purpose. You want to get to know her and see if she matches your criteria.
Third, you’ll build attraction. When you ask questions to find out if she matches your requirements, she’ll think you’re picky. Only men with options are picky.
Therefore, she’ll assume you have choice with women. Just the fact that she knows that other women want you makes you more attractive.
It’s called pre-selection. It’s one of the most powerful attraction switches within women. When women believe that other women are attracted to a man, they can’t help but feel attraction for that man too.
Here’s how to use your standards.
For example, let’s say one of your standards is that she has to eat healthy.
During your conversation, there might be some moment when the subject of food arises. That would be a perfect moment to ask her if she eats healthy.
Use your standards to screen women during your dates. It also builds attraction.
“Do you eat healthy?”
Once she answers, you then either approve or disapprove of it.
If she meets your standard, you approve of her by telling her you like it and explain the reasons why you like it.
For example:
Her: “Yes, actually, I’m a health freak. I only eat whole foods and make green smoothies for myself every morning.”
You: “That’s good. I like that. Eating healthy is so important because it keeps you fit, and it gives you a lot of energy. You get done more in a day and you get sick less often.”
Now if she doesn’t meet your criterion, you have two options.
You can either disapprove by commenting on it, or you can just change the subject.
But if you comment on it, don’t be an ass about it.
And don’t underestimate the power of changing the subject.
When you change the subject, she will have seen on your face a mini-reaction that lets her know you didn’t like her answer.
Women are very perceptive about this. And it WILL show on your face if you truly care about the answer.
That’s why it’s so important that you take the time to find out what you want in a woman. What are your likes and dislikes? And what are your deal-breakers?
So again, knowing your criteria will make you more attractive and more relaxed during your conversations.
Speaking of relaxed…
2. Be relaxed and don’t smile too much.
A man that smiles too much is not attractive to women.
I see too many men on dates that are acting too happy or too excited.
From the moment they meet her, they’re smiling. And they keep smiling during the whole date.
This is not good. A man that smiles too much is not attractive to women.
So instead of smiling all the time, practice a neutral face.
When talking or listening to her, just keep good eye contact but have a more neutral face.
Now, don’t become some emotionless robot that NEVER smiles. But you should keep smiling to a minimum, and only smile at appropriate times.
Also, be sure not to sit on the edge of your chair, giving her your full attention.
First of all, it’s not comfortable. And if you’re not comfortable, she’ll feel uncomfortable too.
Second, it gives away all your power.
Instead, make sure that you make yourself comfortable. Sit like you would sit at home. Also, lean back as much as possible.
3. Comment on her answers and go deeper.
When she gives you an answer, COMMENT on it first. Only AFTER you’ve commented on it should you ask another question.
For example:
She says she likes to cook.
Him: “So you like cooking, right? What kind of food do you like to cook?”
Her: “I like cooking big meals.”
Him: “What type of big meals?”
Her: “Italian.”
Him: “What Italian dishes exactly?”
Her: “Pasta”.
Him: “Oh, cool.”
The conversation dried up.
See how this kind of conversation feels like an interrogation? It also makes her answers shorter and shorter.
You are putting all the weight of the conversation on her shoulders. You’re not connecting with her or contributing to the conversation.
Here’s how to do it instead.
When she gives you an answer, COMMENT on it first. Only AFTER you’ve commented on it should you ask another question.
There are multiple ways you can comment on it.
You can comment on it by relating her answer to yourself. For example:
“Yeah, I like cooking too. I love making…”
That’s better than nothing, but it’s not the best way to make a comment.
The best way to make a comment is to make that comment ABOUT HER.
You can do this by asking yourself WHY she likes cooking. Then, just imagine her reasons for liking it and describe them to her.
For example:
The best way to make a comment is to make that comment ABOUT HER.
You: “Yes, I can imagine why you like cooking. It allows you to be creative. You can make something from almost nothing. Or when you cook for someone, it makes you feel like you’re taking good care of them. And when you can see on their face that they enjoy their meal, it makes you feel really good. Tell me, what is it about cooking that you like so much?”
See how this is different?
I just imagined why she would like cooking and described it to her, and only after I described it did I ask her a question that probed deeper.
You’ll notice that when you do it this way, your conversations will go much easier. You’ll also bond with her much more deeply.
So how do you know what topics you want to connect and go deeper on?
Look for topics that she seems to like more than others. You’ll see it on her face and in her way of reacting to them.
If she doesn’t like the topic, don’t go deeper. Instead, switch to another topic.
For example, you might start talking about her job and you notice her enthusiasm go down. Maybe she has some bad associations with it.
Maybe she’s not happy at her job anymore. Don’t go deeper on that subject.
Instead, change the subject and only go deeper on topics that she looks interested in.
When you do this correctly, you’ll be able to build a deep connection with her very quickly.
Now be careful! If you only do this, you might have some problems with attraction. You might fall into the friendzone.
You need to make sure you also spike her attraction from time to time.
That’s why you need to know your criteria and qualify her like I talked about in the first point.
When you connect with her and challenge her through qualifying questions, you build both attraction and a connection. You need both.
4. Have a safety net.
A safety net is nothing more than a bunch of interesting topics or questions that you’ve prepared in advance. You only use them in case the conversation runs dry.
Sometimes the conversation can just run dry.
This is a real nightmare for most men. They seem to have a good conversation, and suddenly it dies. They don’t know what to do, and it’s game over.
But not you. You’ll know exactly what do to.
Now, bear in mind that this doesn’t always happen. And when you become better at conversation skills, this will happen less and less. Eventually you’ll be able to keep conversations going forever.
But just in case it does happen, you need a safety net that you can fall into.
A safety net is nothing more than a bunch of interesting topics or questions that you’ve prepared in advance. You only use them in case the conversation runs dry.
Just knowing in the back of your mind that you have these interesting questions ready will relax you. Because of that, your conversations will be much better and you probably won’t even need them.
But if you ever do need them, they are there ready to use.
Here are some examples of interesting questions that you could ask:
• “Do you remember your first day at school?”
• “What’s the one thing you can’t say no to?”
• “What talents do you have that would surprise me?”
Now, of course, you wouldn’t just ask them out of the blue like this.
You would introduce them into the conversation by talking about the topic first and then asking the question.
For example, you might ask her where she went to school first, and then ask her if she remembers her first day at school.
Also, be sure to have interesting answers to those questions yourself.
She’ll probably ask these questions back to you. You can’t just say, “I don’t know”.
5. Lead.
Many times, women start asking questions in the beginning of a date.
Don’t confuse this with signs of interest.
When they ask questions at the beginning of your date, it might be because they are being socially savvy. They want to get the conversation going.
This is a trap that most men fall into. They start answering all her questions and let her lead the conversation.
Don’t let that happen.
YOU NEED TO LEAD.
You always need to lead the conversation toward your purpose.
Your purpose could be to connect with her, to create attraction, to create sexual tension, to get to know her and see if she meets your standards, etc.
Always keep your purposes in the back of your mind and lead toward them.
Now if later on in the date she starts to ask you more questions, that’s usually a good sign.
That’s usually because she became really interested in you.
6. Listen the right way.
While you’re listening, look in her eyes and build a picture of her—a picture that you continue building based on the information that she’s giving you.
Many men listen the wrong way.
When she’s talking, they’re nodding their head the whole time – all while thinking about the next question to ask.
That’s a big NO-NO.
Women can see that you’re not listening and that you’re nervous.
This kills attraction.
Instead, do the following.
Listen to what she says. Don’t think of what to ask next.
While you’re listening, look in her eyes and build a picture of her—a picture that you continue building based on the information that she’s giving you.
Once she’s done talking, KEEP EYE CONTACT and think of your next comment or question.
Yes, you read that right: You only start thinking of what to say AFTER she’s done talking, and you do it while you keep eye contact.
This will leave a natural pause in the conversation. In that pause, you will be thinking of what to say.
The fact that you keep eye contact while there is a pause (in which you are thinking of what to say) builds sexual tension.
This is my favorite conversation technique, because it builds sexual tension so incredibly naturally.
No need for flashy techniques or games. Just natural eye contact and a pause!
Conclusion
Conversations are a vital part of dating.Without a conversation, you won’t be able to finish all the steps in the dating process.
Most men are too nervous during conversations because they’ve already decided that they want the woman. Women feel that and become uncomfortable themselves.
The first step in having a great conversation with women is to develop a set of requirements that you want them to meet.
Furthermore, most men don’t “get” women.
They look for tricks and pick-up lines when they try to learn how to improve their dating life.
They don’t realize that all the tricks in the world aren’t going to help them if they don’t know how to have a NATURAL, free-flowing conversation that builds both attraction and a connection.
Use the six steps outlined in this article during your next date. You’ll be amazed at the results you get!
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What are your thoughts on conversations? Share your feedback in the comments section below.
