7 Myths About Women And Dating
3 Easy Steps To A Kick-Ass Social Life
How To Approach A Lady For The First Time – 3 Contrarian Ways For Introverted Men
By the worlds #1 dating coach for Introverted Men - Nick Neeson.
As you can probably imagine, I interact with a lot of introverts who are having issues with women.
And one of the things I’ve noticed is that almost every introverted man has an excuse as to why he’s failing with women.
Usually they don’t call it an excuse, but “a good reason” why they are not succeeding.
I’ve come to believe that every man that is failing in the game of love has some kind of secret excuse.
A secret and unique reason why he’s not succeeding.
Well, I’ll bet you two things.
First, I bet you have one too.
Second, I bet your excuse is not as secret as you might think.
I also can guarantee you two things.
First, no matter how unique you think your “good reason” is, I can guarantee you it’s more common than you might think!
And second, I can guarantee you that there are MILLIONS AND MILLIONS of introverted men that have overcome your exact situation and succeeded with women and dating.
In this article, I’d like to bust the seven most common myths or “hidden” excuses that are ruining your love life.
And one of the things I’ve noticed is that almost every introverted man has an excuse as to why he’s failing with women.
Usually they don’t call it an excuse, but “a good reason” why they are not succeeding.
I’ve come to believe that every man that is failing in the game of love has some kind of secret excuse.
I’ve come to believe that every man that is failing in the game of love has some kind of secret excuse.
A secret and unique reason why he’s not succeeding.
Well, I’ll bet you two things.
First, I bet you have one too.
Second, I bet your excuse is not as secret as you might think.
I also can guarantee you two things.
First, no matter how unique you think your “good reason” is, I can guarantee you it’s more common than you might think!
And second, I can guarantee you that there are MILLIONS AND MILLIONS of introverted men that have overcome your exact situation and succeeded with women and dating.
In this article, I’d like to bust the seven most common myths or “hidden” excuses that are ruining your love life.
DATING MYTH #1: WOMEN WANT WEALTHY MEN
DATING MYTH #1: WOMEN WANT WEALTHY MEN
This is probably one of the most widespread misconceptions that exists about dating.
And as much as this myth is a common one, it’s also absolutely false.
Here’s why.
Men and women evolved their mate preferences in pre-history, back in caveman days.
In those times, everybody was a hunter or gatherer, living in tribal societies.
There was no money, there was no ownership of land, there was no inheritance!
What women paid attention to was, “Does this man get off his butt?” “Does he take action? Does he go out there and make an effort, or is he just sitting on his lazy butt in his cave?”
Men and women evolved their mate preferences in pre-history, back in caveman days. There was no money, there was no ownership of land, and there was no inheritance.
And even the best hunters came home empty-handed more often than not. Women knew that.
Mating with a confident, dominant action-taker was very important for women’s survival back in caveman days. Not only for her survival, but also for the survival of her offspring.
Plus, these are inheritable traits. Her babies would inherit these traits from their father, and grow up to become good at surviving themselves.
All this means that women are not attracted to money, because it didn’t exist when we evolved our attraction mechanism - what triggers attraction in us.
Women are attracted to character traits.
Money is only an indicator of certain attractive character traits like confidence, dominance, action-taking, etc.
Money is only an indicator of certain attractive character traits like confidence, dominance, action-taking, etc.
There are many more character traits, but I limited them here just to explain the idea.
So why do we believe in that myth?
There are multiple reasons.
First of all, we’ve seen examples of the most beautiful women with some of the world’s richest men.
That’s a fact.
But here’s what messes it up.
We put the wrong conclusion on that fact.
We think: “She must be with him for the money”. In fact, she isn’t—she’s with him because he has all these character traits that are attractive.
Character traits that millions of years of evolution have wired her to feel attracted to.
If a woman meets a millionaire that doesn’t have the attractive character traits to match his millions, she will not feel attraction.
If a woman meets a millionaire that doesn’t have the attractive character traits to match his millions, she will not feel attraction.
The second reason that we were led to believe in this myth is because culture and capitalism are feeding us this lie.
“Get a degree, work hard, make money and you’ll get the girl.”
This belief serves some very rich and powerful people very well, and so it gets pushed and promoted around the world.
But the truth is that women are not attracted to money!
There was an interesting study done by Geoffrey Miller, the world’s foremost authority on evolutionary psychology.
He asked women: “Would you rather be with a boyfriend who inherited a bunch of money, but didn’t really work to get it, or an entrepreneur who launched a business and failed for reasons beyond his control and now he doesn’t have much money?”
Most women would rather be with a failed entrepreneur who at least tried than with a rich guy who didn’t even make an effort to get the money.
So I’m going to say it again, because this so incredibly important: women are not attracted to your assets, they are attracted to your potential.
Women are not attracted to your assets, they are attracted to your potential.
When women see “material proof” of success, that will surely get them interested to get to know more about you.
But if they find out you don’t have the internal qualities to match, they’ll either see you as a rich loser or a daddy’s boy.
On the other hand, if you have the internal qualities but haven’t materialized them yet, then they will be attracted to you. It’s your internal qualities that trigger attraction, not your assets.
So, what do we do instead of buying into that myth that women want rich guys?
Well, first, you need to truly realize that money is just a strategy to signal impressive character traits.
You can have all the money in the world, but if you don’t have the character traits to match, it’s game over.
Once you are aware of that, focus on developing these character traits that truly impress women.
Okay, now that we debunked the first myth, let’s take a look at…
DATING MYTH #2: BEAUTIFUL WOMEN ARE HARDER TO GET
DATING MYTH #2 BEAUTIFUL WOMEN ARE HARDER TO GET
Most men think that the most beautiful women are the most difficult to get.
I’m talking like real perfect tens here.
Well, that’s false.
Stunning women are approached less often than their less physically attractive friends.
They might get looked at more, but they get approached much less frequently.
Put yourself in her place for a moment.
Every time she goes out with her friends, all her friends get approached by men but she doesn’t.
Because of that, many stunning women are usually less confident than their less stunning friends.
Stunning women are approached less often than their less physically attractive friends. Because of that, many stunning women are usually less confident than their less stunning friends.
And they secretly wish they’d be approached more often.
They usually also have less experience interacting with men that approach them, which again makes it easier to talk to them.
Many of the less attractive women, who get approached all the time, are usually much harder to talk to.
That’s for two reasons: First of all, their ego is more inflated by all the approaches. And second, they have more experience giving men a hard time.
The reason we think the hottest women are harder to approach is simply because of our wrong assumptions.
We assume they will be harder to approach, and that than turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy that then reinforces that idea.
Here’s what to do instead.
You need to deeply realize some things.
Once you realize them, approaching beautiful women becomes easy.
First, you need to realize it’s an excuse for not approaching. We all make up excuses not to approach.
I call them “Approach Weasels” because their purpose is to make you weasel out of the approach. “She’s too hot. She’s not my type. I’m not her type. I don’t look good today. I didn’t sleep well…” The list goes on and on.
Second, you need to realize, as I said earlier, that really beautiful women are easier to approach and that you get points just for approaching her.
Beautiful women are easier to approach and you get points just for approaching her.
Third, you need to realize that she’ll see you as incredibly confident for approaching her.
She knows she’s beautiful, but she doesn’t get approached much like her friends do so she’s more open to it. She also knows that most guys are scared of her.
If you approach her, you instantly become attractive to her because your confidence is SO high compared to all the losers who looked at her but didn’t have the balls to go and talk to her.
Also, she’ll assume that you are used to dating really hot women.
Only a man who is used to dating these model-type women would feel comfortable talking to them. That implies pre-selection and social proof.
Pre-selection states that women become more attracted to a man when other women are attracted to that man.
So, by approaching her, she’ll assume you are pre-selected by other really gorgeous women. This will create attraction in and of itself.
By the way, if you want to learn different ways to approach and start conversations with women, read my blog post 7 Conversation Starters That Work Like A Charm.
Alright, let’s have a look at…
DATING MYTH #3: WOMEN WANT HOLLYWOOD-LOOKING MEN
DATING MYTH #3: WOMEN WANT HOLLYWOOD-LOOKING MEN
Again, a totally false idea!
As I mentioned earlier, we evolved our mating preferences in pre-history.
Survival was harsh in these times. Therefore, women evolved to be attracted to men that had good survival qualities.
When a woman mated with a man that had good survival qualities, her survival and the survival of her offspring would also increase.
Good looks just mean that we had less genetic mutations.
But as long as you don’t have two heads, being LESS good looking really is IRRELEVANT compared to your inner qualities for survival.
Why? Because a less symmetrical face has less impact on survival than certain inner qualities.
By inner qualities, I refer to your psychological and behavioral traits like confidence, strength of character, assertiveness, leadership, social intelligence, etc.
The reasons we believed in that myth is because we saw some examples and drew the wrong conclusions based on these examples.
We see a good-looking guy walking around with a good-looking girl, and we conclude it’s because of his looks.
But his looks were not the reason. Now, don’t get me wrong, looks do matter. But not as much as you think. To a woman, a man’s looks are worth about 10% of his total value.
His personality and behavior is worth the other 90%.
Most good-looking guys get their confidence because of their looks. So, what gets them the girls is not their looks—it’s their confidence.
Most good-looking guys get their confidence because of their looks. So, what gets them the girls is not their looks—it’s their confidence.
And of course culture, magazines, and movies have reinforced that negative belief that women want good looks. But it’s false.
They want the personality traits that indicate you have high survival value. Remember: we evolved our attraction wiring in pre-history, when survival was a really hard thing.
What do we do instead of buying into that old lie?
First, you realize that good-looking guys gain their confidence from their looks.
Second, you realize that confidence is the real attraction trigger here.
And third, after realizing all that, you focus on developing true confidence.
DATING MYTH #4: WOMEN WANT MEN THAT AGREE WITH THEM
DATING MYTH #4: WOMEN WANT MEN THAT AGREE WITH THEM
Let’s dive straight in and debunk this sucker!
I’ve had many female friends in my life. And I’ve never ever heard any of them say, “I had to sleep with him because he just always agrees with me.”
But I did hear, “I just had to have him because he’s such a challenge.”
Women perceive men that agree with them too much as submissive, weak liars.
Now, here’s the thing. You already know that survival qualities trigger the most attraction in women. And you also know that dominance is one of the strongest survival qualities a man can have.
I mean, if a man wasn’t dominant, his food would get taken by more dominant males. So, dominance is a powerful attraction trigger. It outcompetes good looks BY FAR.
Now, guess what’s the opposite of a dominant, assertive guy? If you guessed a submissive guy, you are right.
By agreeing too much she sees you as submissive, which is a total turn-off for women.
Women perceive men that agree with them too much as submissive, weak liars.
So why did we believe that myth?
Well, both religion and culture have taught us to behave like this.
It’s culturally accepted to be a nice, agreeable person.
A woman can easily say she wants a nice guy without any social repercussions.
But it’s much less accepted for a woman to say she wants a dominant guy that arouses her sexually.
So how do you stay clear of being the nice guy?
The first thing you can do is to stop looking for commonalities during your conversations with women.
Just stop looking for things that both of you have in common, like for example, that both of you have the same favorite drink, or movie.
Instead, I would like you to connect with her on deeper levels and challenge her from time to time.
And the second thing you can do is to just be authentic.
During your conversations with women, there will be topics on which you have a different opinion than her. When that happens, just voice your opinion and disagree with her.
By doing that you show assertiveness and strength. That’s attractive.
DATING MYTH #5: WOMEN WANT TALL MEN
DATING MYTH #5: WOMEN WANT TALL MEN
This one is going to be easy to understand.
Again, we go back in time to pre-history.
What do you think was more important? Height, or behavioral traits like confidence, strength of character, assertiveness, leadership, etc.?
Of course, character traits were more important.
Let’s say a taller guy and a shorter guy would meet. But the short guy was more confident and more dominant. Who do you think would become the boss? The shorter guy, of course.
There’s also a recent interesting study done on the topic of height.
The study analyzed data from 60,000 people about the importance of height and weight in terms of how many sexual partners a man can attract.
Here are the results:
• If you are WAY below average in height, it hurts you a little bit, but not much.
• If you are WAY above average in weight, it hurts you a little bit, but not much.
• But there’s a huge middle ground where it doesn’t matter at all.
The study analyzed data from 60,000 people about the importance of height and weight in terms of how many sexual partners a man can attract. The results show that height is not important to women.
So, what that means is that if you are below average in height and above average in weight, it doesn’t hurt your chances AT ALL.
Only if you are WAY below average in height or WAY above average in weight will it hurt your chances. But even then, it hurts your chances JUST A LITTLE BIT!
What that means is that height and weight is absolutely not important to women.
Height is part of looks, and as I said, looks count for about 10% in your overall attractiveness to a woman. The 90% that really counts is your inner personality traits and behavior.
That’s exactly what the study says when they say it hurts your chances JUST A LITTLE.
So how did we come to that limiting belief?
Again, because of culture.
And so again, the best antidote to this myth is:
First of all, realize that personality traits and behavior are much more attractive than height.
Second, develop these attractive personality traits and behaviors.
DATING MYTH #6: WOMEN ONLY GO FOR THEIR TYPE
DATING MYTH #6: WOMEN ONLY GO FOR THEIR TYPE
I’ve dated many women over the course of my life, and I’ve had many different female friends.
Every single one of the women that I know has dated different types of men in her life.
Tall men, short men. Good-looking men, less good-looking men. Successful men, less successful men, etc.
The only two things these men had in common were this:
Thing number one: They all had confidence.
Thing number two: They all knew how to talk to women.
Did you notice that the two things are personality traits and behavior?
Now, of course, women have some physical type they are attracted to.
And when they see that exact type, of course they will look at him twice.
But if he doesn’t have the personality traits to match his physical looks, it’s definitely game over.
Confident is my type!
Many women have told me that they fell for a guy who initially was not their type, but after talking to him for a few minutes, they became attracted to him.
What happened? During their short interaction, he had the chance to show his personality. BOOM! Attraction created.
So how did we form that limiting belief in the first place?
Again, we just assigned the wrong conclusion to things that we heard.
Maybe a woman rejected you in the past by saying you were not her type and you interpreted it as not being her physical type.
But actually, it was a polite way of brushing you off because you didn’t manage to trigger attraction in her.
You were probably lacking confidence, or your behavior was not indicating high-value personality traits.
A lack of understanding on how attraction works led you to the wrong conclusion.
Again, the way to solve this problem is to develop your confidence and learn how to talk to women.
DATING MYTH #7: WOMEN WANT COMMITMENT
DATING MYTH #7: WOMEN WANT COMMITMENT
Well, technically this one isn’t a myth. This one is true, but not in the way you think.
Women do want commitment, but not immediately.
If you tell a woman early on that you are looking for a committed relationship, it’s a real turn-off.
It makes you look desperate.
And there’s no need to tell you that desperate men are not attractive to women.
Women want to earn your commitment—they want a challenge.
So, instead of telling her that you are looking for a long-term relationship, here’s what you do.
No matter how much you desire a committed relationship, you CONCEAL it.
If she asks you about it, you can tell her: “Yeah, sure, I’m open to the idea to settle down with my ideal woman someday, but I’m not in a rush.”
This is much more attractive to her, and it has the added benefit that she’ll ask you what your ideal woman is.
Once she does that, just describe your ideal woman. The trick here is not to talk about looks, but about your ideal woman’s personality traits.
Next, watch how your date will tell you how she matches these traits, or she will even start to behave in that way.
Conclusion
Most of the things we believe about women and dating are culturally programmed and plain wrong!Culture tells us that women want good-looking, tall, overly nice ass-kissers with a million dollars in their account, and that beautiful women are hard to get.
But in reality, these are all lies that serve religious views and capitalism.
The reality is that women are attracted by a man’s personality traits and his behavior.
The number-one quality that all women find attractive is confidence.
So, by now you might be wondering: What’s the best way to become more confident and in control?
I’m glad you asked.
The best way to get it handled is by going through my ABSOLUTELY FREE core confidence package.
The New Core Confidence Package consists of three resources:
1. The #1 Inner Game Technique: The exact step-by-step method for thought loops that we use at Introverted Badass to coach our private coaching clients.
2. The Victory Pose:Our best power-posing exercise to increase your testosterone by 40% and lower your cortisol by 40% - in just two minutes.
3. Collapsing Anchors Technique: How to make approach anxiety trigger confidence and excitement – on autopilot.
What myths about dating do you know about? Share your opinion in the comments section below!
