Approaching girls can be a daunting task… especially if you are more on the introverted side of the spectrum.


Cause introverts tend to overthink things.


“What if she doesn’t want me to approach her?”


“What if I make her feel uncomfortable?”


“I don’t want her to think I’m a creep.”


“What if she has a boyfriend?”


Etc. etc. etc.


The bad news is… this overthinking doesn’t help ONE bit.


Cause it leads to inertia!


And if we don’t act… nothing will change!


Luckily there is good news.


There’s a simple system we can follow that makes approaching girls a lot easier.


And today, I’m going to share that system with you.


Here are 8 secrets that will make approaching women a lot easier as an introvert.


These are the exact steps I used myself to become a badass at approaching girls…


And btw…


This is precisely what we teach to our private coaching members to crush it with women.


(Related: You know what’s even better than approaching girls? It’s having women approach you!


I’m looking for a handful of private clients to teach my “Hot Women Approach You” method.


If that floats your boat... shoot me a message at nickneeson@introvertedbadass.com...


With the subject line "Hot Women Approach You," and I'll get you all the details.)


Alright…


Let’s talk about the first tip…

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Secret 1 – Approaching Girls Gets A Lot Easier When You Know This

I’ve been coaching introverted men on their dating life for 25+ years now.


I still remember when I decided to launch the new Introverted Badass brand.


It was about 6 years ago.


And I was going global!


My biggest concern was my accent.


I’m from Belgium.


And I was worried people wouldn’t want to listen to me cause I’m not a native English speaker.


I still remember the first video I made.


The moment I send it out to my list… I was tracking the watch time like crazy.


Cause if people watched it… that meant my accent was not a problem.


Long story short.


People loved that video!


In fact…


My clients told me that my European accent made me more charismatic!


You know… like Arnold Schwarzy.


One guy even told me I sounded like a German scientist. Lol.


It was funny cause I’m not even from Germany.


I’m from Belgium.


Anyways…


The point is…


They thought my European accent was an ADVANTAGE!


Primarily since Europeans are known to be good with women.


Moral of the story?


The things that worry us the most… are usually not accurate.


And the only way to find out is to… do those things.


I could have worried about this all day long.


I could have asked all my friends what they thought about it…


BUT…


I didn’t.


Cause the only way to find out the truth is by doing it!


Never reject yourself! Instead… let the market reject you!


Cause if I rejected myself… I would have never found out that the market loved me!


It’s the same with approaching girls.


Never reject yourself. Let the girls reject you.


You see…


Many introverts worry about a lot of things when it comes to starting conversations with women.


They worry about getting rejected…


But they end up rejecting themselves… by NOT approaching.


Ironic, isn’t it?


And it doesn’t stop there…


They also worry that approaching a woman might make her feel uncomfortable…


They worry that they’ll come across as creepy…


They worry that the woman won’t like them…


The list goes on and on.


But the reality is…


Women love to be approached!


I know…


Cause I speak from experience.


The experience of doing it myself…


And…


The experience of having impacted the dating life of hundreds of thousands of introverted men over the past 25+ years!


Oh… there’s also this!


I recently did some research on the female side.


I was reading lots of threads on different online forums.


And a lot of women were complaining that men did not approach them!


Yeah… sure…


You had the occasional radical left feminist nutjob who said men should never approach women…


But… hey…


The overwhelming majority of the women in my research…


We’re craving for men to approach them.


As long as it’s done respectfully.


But it doesn’t stop there.


My research revealed that women not only want men to approach them…


But…


When men don’t approach them… they take it as a rejection!


Seriously.


I’ll talk more about why that is later in this article.


But for now…


If you've ever wondered if it's okay to approach a woman…


The answer is a big fat yes.


Alright…


Now that we have that out of the way…


Let’s have a look at the second secret…

Secret 2 – Approaching Girls By Outsmarting Your Fear Of Approaching Girls

Approach anxiety…


Or the fear of approaching women… is a topic that always fascinated me.


Why do we have that fear?


Where does it come from?


How do we beat?


So… I started researching this.


And I found the answer pretty quickly… by studying “evolution."


You see…


Millions of years ago… when we still lived in small tribal societies.


We knew every woman from our tribe.


Which also means…


That when we saw a woman, we didn’t know… she belonged to another tribe.


And when you approached a woman from another tribe… there was a real danger for her clan to smash your head with a rock!


So…


Evolution has programmed us with a fear of approaching women we don't know for survival reasons.


Ever noticed you only fear approaching women you “don’t” know?


Why don’t you fear approaching women you already know?


Well… that’s the reason!


Now…


Realizing this… was interesting… in and of itself.


Cause by understanding where the fear comes from…


I learned to manage it.


But…


It wasn’t till I stumbled upon a social experiment that my fear of approaching women disappeared.


You see…


I found this study…


Where they asked people to approach strangers.


And it went like this.


For the first part of the experiment…


They had to approach and start conversations with random strangers.


But what made it interesting was the second part of the experiment.


Cause in the second part…


They also had to approach strangers…


But…


This time…


The researchers said… they had to imagine they knew those people!


And when they approached strangers while imagining they already knew them… a couple of magical things happened.


First…


They felt less approach anxiety.


Second…


The people they approached… had warmer reactions!


And the conversations went a lot better.


That’s when I realized…


“Hey… this is something I can use myself!”


So…


I tested it.


And it eliminated my approach anxiety.


So… naturally…


I thought it to my students.


Cause I wanted to know if it would work for others.


And they all reported…


The approach anxiety was significantly less!


For some... completely gone.


For most… much less!


To a point where they can manage it.


Meaning…


It doesn’t stop them from approaching anymore.


And the reason it works is that it outsmarts your fear of approaching women.


It tricks the mind into believing you already know the woman.


And since we only fear approaching “women we don’t know," …


It solves the issue… or... at the very least… minimizes it!


Try it yourself.


It helps a lot.


Okay…


Now that you’re over your fear of approaching girls, here’s…

Secret 3 – Another Simple Hack To Boost Your Success Approaching Girls

In my early twenties... I was a sales rep for a telecommunication company.


Each Wednesday... we had a cold calling day to set appointments with potential clients.


And I remember… my manager always told me…


The first call of the day is the hardest.


Cause you’re the most nervous.


But after that... it gets better.


And he was right.


The first call “was” the hardest.


But after the first one… the other calls were easier and easier.


In fact…


After a few calls…


I was entirely in the mood for cold calling (and I'm an introvert… go figure!)


So…


I realized there was something about building social momentum.


And it’s the same with approaching women.


Especially when you’re learning how to do it.


In the beginning…


The best thing to do is to pick a day and block a few hours to approach girls.


Cause your first approach is probably not going to be the best.


But as you make more approaches… you get into it.


It’s like you’re in a flow.


Your approach anxiety is gone.


Your conversations flow.


Everything is great!


And you don’t want to stop.


It's like running on a treadmill.


The first 15 minutes on the treadmill…


I always thought…


“Man… I’m never going to be able to stay on this thing for an hour."


But after 15 minutes or so… I got into flow… and felt like I could run forever!


And of course…


Once you’re more experienced… you get into that flow-state faster…


To the point…


That you can get into flow on your first approach!


But in the beginning… you’ll need to practice a bit.


So…


My tip for you is this.


If approaching girls is something you want to get good at…


Then…


Set aside a time block so you can get into that social momentum.


You don’t have to do it every day.


You might pick a Saturday… or a day where you have some time… and go out for a couple of hours to approach women.


Btw…


You know what’s even better than approaching women? It’s having women approach you!


I’m looking for a handful of private clients to teach my “Hot Women Approach You” method.


If that floats your boat... shoot me a message at nickneeson@introvertedbadass.com...


With the subject line "Hot Women Approach You,"... and I'll get you all the details.


Okay...


So... where was I?


Oh, yeah…


I was going to tell you about my next tip…

Secret 4 – Successfully Approaching Girls Using The Graham Method

I once came across a piece of research from a sociologist.


He observed body language in the contexts of romantic affairs.


And he talked about this guy; I believe his name was Graham.


Graham was a famous womanizer.


The researcher observed Graham in many different social settings.


Graham had an 80%+ success rate in getting a woman to leave with him on the first evening.


I think it was even more than 90%... but I forgot the exact number.


Doesn’t matter.


80%.


90%.


Both huge success rates.


So…


Guess what Graham’s secret was?


It wasn’t superior seduction skills.


Although he certainly had some game!


His real trick was that he knew how to spot women that were open for a one-night stand.


The researcher even speculated that Graham could detect women that were ovulating.


And as you may or may not know… when women are ovulating… they only have one thing on their mind – sex.


And although the researcher never proved Graham could spot ovulating women…


He sure did prove that women give off certain signs when they are sexually attracted to men…


And he did proof… it pays off BIG TIME to talk to those women!


So… I decided to give this strategy a shot.


I started to only approach women that gave specific signals.


And my success rate exploded.


That’s when I truly realized the power of these signs.


They’re called Attraction Signals.


So the best thing you can do…


If you want to maximize your success rate in approaching girls…


Is learn to recognize them.


And then approach women that give of these signs.


Btw…


When you don’t approach a woman when she gives you one of these signs…


It feels to her like you rejected her.


Remember…


Women don’t approach men (generally).


They want YOU to approach THEM.


So… they make it easy for you by giving you these signs.


Imagine being a woman… and you depend on men approaching you.


And you do your absolute best to invite them to approach you…


Well…


If they don't…


You would feel annoyed and rejected, too!


It’s like traffic lights.


When the lights turn green… and you don’t move … people get annoyed and even angry.


So what signs should you look for?


Here are just three of them:

• Eye-contact
  
  
  
• Smiling
  
  
  
• Nodding
  
  
  

Make no mistake…


If a woman is NOT attracted to a man… she will avoid eye contact... smiling... or nodding at that man – AT ALL COST!


But if she does one of these three things… you can be sure she's okay with you approaching her.


It doesn’t guarantee sex… a date… or even a phone number…


But…


It does guarantee a warm welcome on the approach.


Okay…


Now that you know which women to approach… what do you actually say to them?


How do you keep the conversation going?


Well…


Let’s find out…

Secret 5 – Approaching Girls Is Like Planning A Vacation

I just planned our holiday.


Well... it's more of a "visiting family" vacation.


We’re going to Poland.


We rented a little house near the mountains.


So we can go for long hikes.


(Something my girlfriend and I love doing.)


And while we're there... we are going to visit our family too.


In a few weeks... we'll be packing our stuff and go.


Now…


Before we decided to go to Poland… we were thinking about going to the south of France…


Which is a totally different type of vacation.


More sea.


More sun.


Another climate.


Now…


Why am I telling you this?


What does this have to do with approaching girls?


Everything.


You see…


When you go on vacation.


You plan first.


You plan your destination.


You plan what type of things you'll do there.


And you take stuff (clothes) with you… that are appropriate for that destination.


Most people don’t just hop into their car or onto a plain… without knowing where they’re going… without luggage… without making reservations at a hotel.


It’s the same with approaching women.


You want to plan in advance in what venues you want to meet women.


And then…


Have some conversation starters ready for that venue.


Why?


Cause as an introverted guy…


If you don’t have some conversation starters ready…


You’ll need to come up with one on the spot.


And by the time you come up with something clever to say… she’s probably gone.


So why make it hard on yourself?


Instead…


Make sure you think through… how you’re going to start a conversation… beforehand!


And it’s pretty easy to do.


There are only two ways to start a conversation.


A direct way and an indirect way.


A direct way is when you show your intentions right off the bat.


This is usually done by complimenting a woman.


Indirect… means… you don’t show your intentions straight away.


Meaning…


You might ask her something functional… like where the nearest grocery store is.


Or you might comment on the situation (we call this a situational opener).


Now…


How do you choose which type of opener to use?


It’s simple.


If you know... you're not going to see the woman again…


The best way to start a conversation is usually going to be a compliment.


Why?


Because compliments trigger a lot of attraction right of the bat.


It’s a bold thing to do.


And we all know that women are attracted to confident men.


Also…


Research has shown that people are more attracted to people that are attracted to them!


In other words…


By showing your attraction to a woman… she becomes more attracted to you.


So…


If that’s the case… why not always use a compliment to start a conversation?


Why only in situations where you don’t have to see a woman again?


Well…


Cause it’s a high risk/high reward type of opener.


You see…


If she likes you… you’ll have an easy time turning that conversation into a date.


Now…


If she doesn't reciprocate your feelings… then it was apparent you made advances on her.


And when you don’t have to see her again… that doesn’t matter.


But…


If you approach a woman in an environment where you will see her again…


For example… at the gym… at work… at a volunteering event… etc.


Well…


If she doesn’t like you… everyone will know you made advances on her.


And if you do that with a few women… you’ll quickly be stamped as "that guy."


So…


In a situation like this... it's better to take the indirect road.


For example…


You might ask her if you can borrow that empty chair… and if she's friendly... you can thank her and introduce yourself.


If she wasn’t friendly… then you thank her for the chair… but you don’t introduce yourself.


And you didn’t lose face in your social circle… cause you didn’t show your intentions.


So…


Now that you’ve started a conversation…


How do you keep that conversation going?


Well…


That’s what we’ll discuss next…

Secret 6 – The Chess Master Of Approaching Girls

I recently watched the movie "Innocent Moves."


Great movie... btw.


Made in 1993.


Don’t know how I only found out about it now… but anyway.


So… it’s about a chess prodigy.


A young boy… so good at chess... he beat grown-up chess champs at the age of 7!


Now…


One of the fascinating things about playing chess… is that you have to think multiple steps ahead.


It’s about planning five moves in advance.


The point?


One of the best ways to become good at conversations is to think them through beforehand.


Meaning…


You plan the topics you’ll talk about five steps ahead.


Just like a chess master plans his moves.


And btw… you don’t just plan your topics in advance…


You also plan the different ways these topics can branch out.


Just like a chess master plans for his opponents’ possible counter moves.


And when you do that…


Your conversations will be much better.


And here's the excellent news…


It’s much easier than being a chess master.


Cause all you need is a few "go-to" conversation topics…


That you strategically inject in the conversation.


Have you ever seen a very social person talking?


We all have an uncle… a relative… or a friend… that’s just great at socializing.


Well…


Have you noticed… when they meet new people… they always tell the same stories?


You can do the same.


Cause that’s what people do naturally.


And when you this… you’ll also notice… that conversations become predictable.


For example…


When you talk to people about what they do for fun…


Most of them are going to give you the same “range” of answers.


And after a few conversations like this… you’ll know what these common answers are.


This then makes it easy to prepare interesting things to say about these topics.


For example… let’s say you talk about holidays and vacations.


Well…


You can always ask them what their favorite holidays are…


This will definitely open them up.


But… it goes further than that.


They’ll usually ask you what your favorite vacation is too.


Now… you can tell a funny story that happened to you on one of your vacations.


And you can prepare that.


Just think of the funniest… most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you on one of your vacations.


And then tell that story.


And here’s the thing.


You’ll say that story over and over.


And you’ll notice where people laugh and don’t laugh.


Then you work on the story to make it better.


The next time you’ll get more laughs.


See how that works?


By talking about vacations… you'll already know that a few minutes later...


They'll ask about YOUR favorite vacation.


And now you can tell a funny story.


And make'em laugh.


It’s exactly like playing chess.


You can think this through… five steps in advance.


Now…


Telling stories is just one thing you can do to keep a conversation going.


But…


There many more.


For example:


You can tease her (which create a lot of attraction)


You can roleplay with her (some topics lend themselves well for playfully role playing)


You can make funny guesses about her.


You can even seed date ideas in her mind.


There are so many ways you can have exciting conversations.


But it all starts by thinking it through like a chess master.


Alright… now that you know how to engineer a great conversation with a girl you just approached…


How do you practice all of this?


That’s what we’ll talk about next…

Secret 7 – Become Great At Approaching Girls With The Simplest Method Ever

Once upon a time... I came across a great little riddle.


You probably heard it yourself.


Cause it’s often used.


Here it is.


What’s the best way to eat an elephant?


The answer…


“One bite at a time.”


It’s the same with becoming good at approaching girls and talking to them.


What’s the best way to become great at it… fast?


By taking it one step at a time.


I often tell my clients to first focus on just approaching women with an indirect opener.


For example… asking women where the nearest coffee shop is.


Then once they’re comfortable with that…


I’ll tell them to approach women using a compliment opener.


Meaning…


Just complimenting her and moving one.


No conversation.


Nothing.


Just a compliment.


After they’re comfortable with that… they’ll deliver the compliment or the functional opener… and guess one thing about the woman.


For example, they might guess her roots.


And that’s it.


After they guess her roots… they’ll move on.


Once they're comfortable with that… they'll take it further.


And further again.


Tiny step… by tiny step.


Until it's a piece of cake to get her number and the date.


It’s like playing a video game.


You don’t start at the highest level.


You start at the easiest one.


Build your competence.


And move to the next level.


Alright… let’s move on to the last tip.


And I kept the best one for last…

Secret 8 – Approaching Girls Without Failure And A 100% Success Rate – Every Single Time

Remember when the word “flow” was a popular term?


I can still remember it.


Everyone was talking about the importance of getting into “flow-mode."


So what is flow?


Here’s Wikipedia’s definition:


==


A flow state, also known colloquially as being in the zone, is the mental state in which a person performing some activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity. In essence, flow is characterized by the complete absorption in what one does, and a resulting transformation in one's sense of time.


==


So… back in the day…


When I was studying this concept of "flow,"…


I stumbled on the work of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi… the famous Professor of Psychology that popularized the term!


And he wrote that one of the essential factors to get into flow is to have an achievable goal.


Cause if you believe it’s out of your reach… you’ll feel stressed.


And when you’re stressed… you can’t reach flow-mode.


So…


That got me thinking.


Most guys are stressed when they talk to women they like.


Cause they fear rejection.


So… I wanted to test something.


When I talked to women…


I changed my goal and mindset.


Instead of setting “getting her number or getting the date” as my goal…


I changed it to “learning something.”


And that’s when I learned that talking to women with the goal of learning and practicing… took away all the stress.


Cause I couldn't fail.


I got a 100% success rate – every single time.


Cause whether I got the date or not… didn’t matter.


That wasn’t the goal.


The goal was to learn something.


And I could learn from every interaction.


Even if she didn’t give me her number… I still learned something.


And that felt great!


And btw… we teach all our clients this mindset.


And since they use it… the whole “approaching women thing” … became a totally different experience.


Something fun.


Something that gets them into flow-mode.


Something they like doing.


And guess what?


When you like doing something… you do it often.


And when you do something often… you become good at it… really fast!

Conclusion On Approaching Girls

Approaching girls as an introverted man is simple… but not easy.


It’s like doing pushups.


Simple concept.


Not easy to do.


And it’s not just the case for introverted men… but for all men.


The difference is introverts usually overthink stuff.


And that overthinking keeps them from approaching women.


But…


The steps in this article are explicitly made for introverted men.


If you follow them… you’ll have a much easier time approaching women.


And… you’ll become excellent at it… in no time.


It ain’t magic.


But it does work wonders.


Btw…


You know what’s even better than approaching women? It’s having them approach YOU!


I’m looking for a handful of private clients to teach my “Hot Women Approach You” method.


If that floats your boat... shoot me a message at nickneeson@introvertedbadass.com...


With the subject line "Hot Women Approach You,"... and I'll get you all the details.


Hope you enjoyed this post.


Take it easy.


Nick

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