The 21st Century Is Not An Excuse To Be A Wuss!
6 Common Objections and How To Handle Them
3 Ways Introverts Can Crush It at Parties, Bars and Clubs
By the worlds #1 dating coach for Introverted Men - Nick Neeson.
The times of the raging, cocky, alpha-male asshole are long gone. And that’s a good thing.
But is our masculinity better off these days? I don’t think so.
The pendulum has swung in the total opposite direction – toward the feminine wuss!
For more than 20 years, I’ve been coaching introverted men to improve their love life, and I’ve noticed some common issues appearing again and again – for both men and women.
When I talk to men about how they feel about dating, they tell me they feel helpless and hopeless because women have all the power.
When I talk to women about how they feel about dating, they tell me they are sick and tired of weak, insecure men dating them and doing the exact same things… hemming and hawing, kissing up, smothering them with attention, being at their beck and call, and following them around like lovesick puppies.
What’s happening?
But is our masculinity better off these days? I don’t think so.
The pendulum has swung in the total opposite direction – toward the feminine wuss!
For more than 20 years, I’ve been coaching introverted men to improve their love life, and I’ve noticed some common issues appearing again and again – for both men and women.
When I talk to men about how they feel about dating, they tell me they feel helpless and hopeless because women have all the power.
When I talk to women about how they feel about dating, they tell me they are sick and tired of weak, insecure men dating them and doing the exact same things… hemming and hawing, kissing up, smothering them with attention, being at their beck and call, and following them around like lovesick puppies.
What’s happening?
We live in turbulent times for gender roles.
The 21st century is producing a battle between culture and visceral attraction.
I believe emancipation is a great thing. Women having the same rights and opportunities as men is fantastic.
But these changing gender roles come at a price. If we don’t learn how to manage this transition in a healthy way, we will lose something far more important: our love for each other.
The 21st century is producing a battle between culture and visceral attraction.
If we let culture win, we’ll be doomed in our hearts. If we let visceral attraction win, we’ll be doomed in our heads.
You see, these gender role changes we are going through create a conflict between two different parts of our brains: the neocortex and the reptilian brain.
The desire to change gender roles is driven by our neocortex (where culture lives), but our visceral attraction is driven by our reptilian brain (where our desire for sex and reproduction lives).
If men don’t behave like men anymore and women don’t behave like women anymore, we will lose our visceral attraction for each other.
If men don’t behave like men anymore and women don’t behave like women anymore, we will lose our visceral attraction for each other.
But it doesn’t have to be like this. One doesn’t have to exclude the other.
The problem is that we are playing lose-lose instead of win-win.
Many men are using the 21st century as an excuse to be wimps, and many women are suffering from a Polar Opposite Insecurity Compensation (POIC).
I’ll explain both, but let me start with POIC.
POIC occurs when a person focuses on something he doesn’t want to be because that behavior makes him feel insecure.
He then becomes the exact opposite of the things that make him feel insecure.
Many men are using the 21st century as an excuse to be wimps, and many women are suffering from a Polar Opposite Insecurity Compensation (POIC).
For example: because women were suppressed for so long just because they were women, they might start to act like men to prove to the world and to themselves that they are not suppressed anymore.
Every time a woman acts like a man, she can say to herself, “At least I wasn’t suppressed this time.”
The problem with POIC is that you focus on (and thus reinforce) your insecurities instead of leveraging your strengths.
In other words, the more women act like men, the more insecure they become. It’s a catch-22. It’s fake confidence. They are fooling themselves.
On the other hand, men are using the 21st century as an excuse to be wusses.
They confuse sharing power with giving up their power and becoming her little bitch.
Here are five symptoms of wuss behavior:
Not taking the lead.
Her: “What do you want to do this weekend?”
Him: “I don’t know…what do you want to do?”
Neediness.
Him: “Are we a couple? Why don’t you tell people we are a couple?”
Insecurity.
On a date: “Do you like me?” “Do you think we’re a good match?” “How am I doing so far?”
Accepting princess behavior.
You’re on a date, and she’s texting with her friends most of the time. Don’t accept it.
‘Listen, Jade, I’ve turned my phone off because we’re having dinner together. Now, if you have some urgent business you have to take care of, I understand that, and you can tell me that. But if you are the kind of person that is more preoccupied with her phone than with the people she’s having dinner with, I just want you to know I don’t think that’s cool.’
Being too vulnerable.
I know about a guy who wrote on his online dating profile that whenever he sees a baby, it makes him feel so warm inside that he cries. Guess how many messages he gets from women? Zero!
Women suffer from POIC, and men become wusses.
All this causes men and women to not be polarized anymore. We need this polarization to feel attraction for each other.
As I said earlier, these changing gender roles are driven by our neocortex, but our visceral attraction is driven by our reptilian brain.
If one wins over the other, we are in a lose-lose situation. This is bad.
If men turn into wusses and women keep suffering from POIC, our love lives will be catastrophic.
Men will be in relationships with women who, deep down, despise them for being wusses, but they’ll stay with them because culture is telling them to.
Luckily, it doesn’t have to be like this.
The truth is somewhere in the middle.
If men turn into wusses and women keep suffering from POIC, our love lives will be catastrophic.
We can have equal rights and opportunities while still being polarized. That has nothing to do with equal opportunities. It has nothing to do with what we do. It has everything to do with how we do it.
I know some very powerful women who are EVPs and CEOs of big companies. They have a vision as strong as Steve Jobs, combined with a feminine, caring energy.
I have the utmost respect for them. And I’ll tell you something…they are very feminine, polarizing and attractive.
They have found their way in this difficult world. They know there’s a difference between the “what” and the “how”.
A woman can be decisive and goal-oriented, but how she interacts with others can still be in a feminine way. These women found a feminine way to be assertive and goal-oriented.
Instead of focusing on their insecurities through POIC, they learned to leverage their strengths in this new world.
I also know women who are overly assertive and masculine, but have no vision and no spine to lead at all. As I said, they’re suffering from Polar Opposite Insecurity Compensation (POIC).
Times have been tough for women. It leaves scars. I get it. But let us realize that there is another way.
The same goes for men. You don’t have to behave like a chauvinistic, sexist macho man, but you also don’t have to behave like a wuss. There is another way.
So, as a man, how do you go about dating in the 21st century? How do you become attractive to the other sex without being a dickhead, a macho man, or a foolish pick-up artist who is also suffering from POIC?
Here are three ways that still work to woo the ladies in the 21st Century.
Chivalry still works.
Chivalry, or the chivalric code, is the traditional code of conduct associated with the medieval institution of knighthood. When you use chivalry today, it still signals women that you are a higher-status man. This triggers attraction in them.
For good evolutionary reasons, women have always been attracted to men of higher status. If a woman mated with a higher status male, her chances of surviving, and survival of her offspring would increase.
Over the course of more than two million years of evolution, women have developed an internal attraction switch that gets triggered when they see high-status signals in men.
According to Wikipedia: Chivalry, or the chivalric code, is the traditional code of conduct associated with the medieval institution of knighthood.
As you know, knights were part of an elite circle of the highest status men in those days.
When you use chivalry today, it still signals women that you are a higher-status man. This triggers attraction in them.
Also, women love the idea of being a lady, and being treated that way.
Here are some chivalrous things you can do:
• Open doors for her.
• Walk on the outside of the sidewalk.
• Let her walk in first if it’s a place she knows.
• Lead the way through a crowded space.
• Help her put her jacket on.
Disagree with her.
By disagreeing, you imply that you have options and that you are pre-selected by other women. Pre-selection is one of the most powerful attraction triggers within women.
Most women want a strong man. But in the presences of a beautiful woman, most men turn in to wimps and yes-men. Instead of voicing their opinions, they change them to match those of the woman.
Don’t do it. It’s suicide in dating land. She’ll think you have no spine or that you are lying to get in her pants. Either way, you lose.
Instead, disagree with her. Now, I’m not saying you should become some mismatching maniac. That’s not going to work either.
However, throughout your conversation, there will naturally be some topics where your opinion is different than hers. When that happens, just tell her.
For example, if she says she likes Harry Potter, don’t be afraid to tell her you think it’s lame.
The fact that you disagree with her creates attraction for many reasons.
First of all, you show that you’re honest. You’re not changing your opinion just to get laid.
Second, it shows you are a strong man. Women are still attracted to strong men.
Just because we now live in the 21st century doesn’t mean that two million years of evolution-based attraction triggers have suddenly disappeared. Women are still attracted to the same things as they were before. Men are too.
Third, disagreeing implies you have options with women. Desperate men don’t disagree with women. They are too afraid to break their rapport because they don’t have alternatives. Women unconsciously know that.
So, by disagreeing, you imply that you have options and that you are pre-selected by other women. Pre-selection is one of the most powerful attraction triggers within women.
Pre-selection states that women will be more attracted to a man if they know that other women are attracted to that man.
Touch her.
There are three kinds of touches: social touch, seductive touch and sexual touch.
If you think about it, dating is just two people getting to know each other and physically escalating the relationship.
If you want to be a real man, you need to know how to touch women.
There are three kinds of touches:
• Social touch
• Seductive touch
• Sexual touch
It’s imperative that you learn how to use all three of them, and it’s even more important to know exactly when to use them.
I’ve included a killer bonus to help you set up escalating touch during your next interaction with women.
Inside this bonus you’ll get:
The complete physical escalation sequence to go from social to sexual.
The exact details of what to do, how to do it, and when to do it.
Step by step instructions on how to prepare for your next interaction, so you’ll experience physical closeness with women lightning fast.
What are your thoughts on dating in the 21st century? Share your feedback in the comment section below.
