3 Ways To Show Your Desire Without Disrespecting Her
Love Life Optimization: How Introverts Build Unstoppable Love Lives
How To Be The Good Bad Boy
By the worlds #1 dating coach for Introverted Men - Nick Neeson.
Guys always ask me: "Nick, how do I show my desire for a woman but make it clear that I'm not disrespecting her?"
That's a great question. I love answering that question because there are a lot of misconceptions about that topic. In this post, I'm going to clear up those misconceptions.
I'm going to tell you exactly how to show your desire in a respectful way.
I'd like to start by asking you a question: What is the most beautiful present you could give a woman? What is it that women desire the most?
There was an interesting study done recently about sexuality. When men watch porn, they look at women's bodies and the naughty things they do in the movie.
But when women watch porn, they're not looking at the guy's body—they're looking at his face.
They really love that look of lust on the man’s face. That's because women's deepest desire is to be desired. But you have to do it in the right way.
That's a great question. I love answering that question because there are a lot of misconceptions about that topic. In this post, I'm going to clear up those misconceptions.
I'm going to tell you exactly how to show your desire in a respectful way.
I'd like to start by asking you a question: What is the most beautiful present you could give a woman? What is it that women desire the most?
Tweet ThisThere was an interesting study done recently about sexuality. When men watch porn, they look at women's bodies and the naughty things they do in the movie.
But when women watch porn, they're not looking at the guy's body—they're looking at his face.
They really love that look of lust on the man’s face. That's because women's deepest desire is to be desired. But you have to do it in the right way.
Why Show Your Desire For Women?
When you show your desire, it shows you're honest. When you're honest, she'll feel safe and she'll respect you.
First of all, as I just said, women love to be desired.
Second, when you show your desire, it shows you're honest. When you're honest, she'll feel safe and she'll respect you. A woman needs to respect a man before she can be attracted to a man.
Third, when you show your sexual attraction for a woman, that creates arousal in her.
Most guys hide their desire for women. And then they read dating advice, in search of a bunch of strategies to make women sexually attracted.
What’s ironic is that if we were to just be authentic and show our desire, we would create much more attraction than with any of the dating strategies out there.
But there is a right way to do it and a wrong way to do it, so let's start with the wrong way.
The Wrong Way To Show Your Desire
There are three categories of guys that are competing with you for women.Mister Nice Guy.
Nice Guys are dishonest. They’re not authentic. They hide their sexual interest as a strategy. They hope they will fall into her good graces. But the end goal is to get her into bed.
The first category is what I call the asexual guys. They're actually not asexual.
It's not that they don't feel sexual attraction for women, but what they're doing is using the “nice guy strategy”. They hide all sexual intent and lust. But here's the problem with this strategy—it doesn't work.
First of all, by hiding their lust for women, they're not triggering any feelings of arousal with the woman—they're not giving that precious gift that she wants so badly.
At the same time, they're also disrespecting her because they're dishonest. It's not authentic, it's a strategy. They hope they will fall into her good graces. But the end goal is to get her into bed.
They hope that women will see them as their knight in shining armor.
The Overly Sexual Guy.
The overly sexual guys talk to women like they are some kind of fetish, sex object or porn star. You want to stay away from that as well.
The second category of guys is what I call the overly sexual guys. They're using the total opposite strategy. They're talking to women like they are some kind of fetish, sex object or porn star.
They are one-sided about it. They show their lust all the time. That is bad because that makes women feel objectified. You want to stay away from that as well.
The Vulgar Guy.
These are the guys that scream at women on the streets, like, "Hey sexy, why don't you come here..." etc
The third category of guys is the vulgar guys. These guys take it one step further than the overly sexual guys. These are the guys that scream at women on the streets, like, "Hey sexy, why don't you come here..." etc.
Look at the world from a woman's perspective: 95-99% of all guys fall into one of those three categories. That's great, because that means there is all the more opportunity for us to do it the right way. And I'll teach you the right way right now.
The Right Way To Show Her Your Desire For Her
You need to balance showing your sexual interest in her with showing your emotional interest in her.
The right way to show your desire for women is doing it with respect. And doing it with respect requires you to have a balancing act.
That means you need to balance showing your sexual interest in her with showing your emotional interest in her.
By emotional interest, I mean showing that you are interested in her as a person. It means showing you respect her as a person.
When you balance these two interests in the right way, that's when you create desire in a woman. If you show too much sexual interest, you'll be seen as a sleazebag.
If you show too much emotional interest and not enough sexual interest, you'll be friend-zoned. You need both, and you need to be able to balance them.
Let's start with the connecting part first. How do you connect with a woman, and how do you do it with respect?
Connecting with women doesn't mean showering them with compliments. Still that’s what most guys do. They give compliment after compliment, but women don’t feel respected by that.
She’ll think you’re doing that to get in her pants. She'll feel that you’re not being authentic, and she'll see that you're not respecting her.
If you show too much sexual interest, you'll be seen as a sleazebag. If you show too much emotional interest and not enough sexual interest, you'll be friend-zoned.
Also, you don’t want to bend your reality to hers. Most men tend to change their opinions based on the opinion of the woman they’re with. Again, this shows you're not being authentic with her, which means you're not respecting her.
Connecting with a woman also does not mean obsessively looking for commonalities. But that’s exactly what most men do: "Oh, do you like pizza? I love pizza too. You love pepperoni pizza? Man, that's my favorite one too."
Women become suspicious of that kind of behavior. They'll assume you're lying because you're trying to get them into bed. Don't do this. That's not showing respect—in fact, it's the opposite.
What does it mean to show respect and connect with women?
First of all, you need to really listen to her and go deep. You want to dig deeper into her personality, her character traits, her motivation, her emotions, and her passions.
You want to be genuinely interested in who she is as a person, and finding out more about her. At the same time, you also want to give your opinions and challenge her thinking.
If there is some topic that you disagree on that comes up in your conversation, I want you to tell her the truth. Voice your opinion. Challenge her way of thinking. That's showing respect to a woman because you're being authentic.
Look at it from her perspective: She's with a man who's truly, deeply connecting with her on a very deep level, almost on a soulmate level. At the same time, this man is honest, authentic, shares his opinions, disagrees with her, and challenges her thinking.
Most men tend to change their opinions based on the opinion of the woman they’re with. Again, this shows you're not being authentic with her, which means you're not respecting her.
That's like a jackpot for women. Well, almost—to make it a real jackpot, the guy must also show her that he lusts after her. And that is the next thing we'll talk about.
But if you want to get more information on how to connect in an attractive way, read my other blog post, Six Ways to Create Attraction and Connection During Conversation.
How do you show a woman your desire for her?
There's three ways you can do it: you can tell her, you can show her, or you can touch her.
How To Tell Her You Desire Her
The way you show your desire for a woman is by using what I call sexual compliments. The way you use them is by first having a conversation with her and connecting deeply with her.
Telling her that you desire her doesn't mean confessing your feelings.
It doesn’t mean saying "I love you so much" or "I've been thinking about this and I want to tell you something: I have feelings for you." That’s not showing your desire for her, that's being weak.
The way you show your desire for a woman is by using what I call sexual compliments. The way you use them is by first having a conversation with her and connecting deeply with her.
Then, at certain points in the conversation, you spike that connection by giving her a sexual compliment. Right after you give her that sexual compliment, you change the subject.
By doing this, you give her the present of getting those tantalizing, erotic feelings, but you make sure it doesn't become uncomfortable for her.
Most guys will give a compliment and they'll wait, almost like a puppy, to get their reward. That creates an uncomfortable moment.
Right after you give her that sexual compliment, you change the subject. By doing this, you give her the present of getting those tantalizing, erotic feelings, but you make sure it doesn't become uncomfortable for her.
In her head, all the old cultural programming is coming up: "How should I behave when a man gives me a sexual compliment? What has culture taught me?"
Usually, culture has taught them that they should be careful with that kind of stuff.
If you leave too much time for her to react, she'll feel uncomfortable. You don't want to do that. Instead you want to give her that tantalizing feeling without the discomfort.
The way you do that is by giving her a sexual compliment and then changing the subject.
For example, you are talking with her, having a deep conversation. You are connecting with her, being interested in her as a person. Then, out of the blue, you say: "Now I know what it is that makes me want you so much." That's a great one.
Or you could say, "Your legs keep distracting me, I can't stop looking at them. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, yeah…" and you continue the conversation.
That's how you give a sexual compliment. By doing that, you show her that you desire her.
That will make her feel special, unique and respected.
Why does the sexual compliment work? As I just said, she'll feel desired and respected at the same time. Second, you are authentic. You are non-vulgar. And you balanced it by deeply connecting with her.
Also, don't use many compliments—just use a few very intense ones. And then leave a long enough space to connect with her between those sexual compliments.
How To “Demonstrate” That You Desire Her
Use triangular gazing to show your desire and create sexual chemistry.
The second way that you can show a woman that you desire her is by showing her through your actions. There is a special technique you can use for this called triangular gazing.
Imagine there is an upside-down triangle on her face that is connecting her left eye to her right eye, then down to her mouth, and then back up to her left eye.
The way you do it is, you just look for one second at one eye, another second at the other, and then down to her mouth, and back to the eye up again. And you repeat the process.
Triangular gazing works because it's a natural behavior that we have when we desire someone.
If you look at two people who are sitting close to each other, and who desire each other, you'll see their eyes doing this triangular gazing thing. When you use that, she'll see the desire in your face.
Again, when you balance that with connecting with her, it's such a powerful tool.
How To Use “Touch” To Show Your Desire.
You can look at a woman and talk to a woman all you want, but if you don't actually make the move and touch her, nothing else matters. She'll either think you're scared, weak, or that your attraction for her is not strong enough to push you to action.
The third thing that you can do to show a woman that you desire her is to touch her. In my opinion, this is the best way to prove to a woman that you desire her.
You can look at a woman and talk to a woman all you want, but if you don't actually make the move and touch her, nothing else matters.
She'll either think you're scared, weak, or that your attraction for her is not strong enough to push you to action.
It's not a compliment. You weren't attracted enough to her to overcome your fear.
Also, touching is the most intimate thing you can do. Without touching, what is dating? Dating is two people getting to know each other and physically escalating the relationship over time.
How do you use touch to make her feel desired and respected at the same time?
Clearly, you can't walk up to a woman and grab her. You might show her that you desire her by doing that, but she certainly will not feel respected.
If you want to show a woman that you desire her by touching her, there is a sequence that you need to follow.
If you want to show a woman that you desire her by touching her, there is a sequence that you need to follow. There are three kinds of touches: social touch, seductive touch, and sexual touch.
Social touch is when you touch in socially acceptable places like her hand, her arm, her shoulder, etc. You want to use social touch right off the bat when you meet her.
The next level is seductive touch, and that's when you touch her in places where a lover would touch her. That means touching her waist, her face, her hair, etc. You use seductive touch only when she's comfortable with your social touch.
The next level up is sexual touch. This is when you touch her erogenous zones like her breasts. Of course, you use sexual touch only when she's comfortable with your seductive touches.
As I said, sequence is key. You start with social touches, and you continue to seductive touches, and then you go to sexual touches. If you do it in the right sequence, you'll show her that you respect her.
As I said, sequence is key. You start with social touches, and you continue to seductive touches, and then you go to sexual touches. If you do it in the right sequence, you'll show her that you respect her.
The other thing that you want to do is to increase your level of touches using what I call micro-escalation. That means you increase your touch by micro steps, so that if she ever were to feel uncomfortable, it will be only a slight discomfort.
You would notice that, slow down a bit, wait until she's more comfortable, then escalate again.
For example, if you meet her for a date you might give her a kiss on the cheek. Then when you walk toward the venue and you cross a road, you might put your hand on her lower back.
This makes her feel safe and protected. When you're in the venue, during conversation, you might touch her hand to emphasize a point.
If she seems to like it, later on you might touch her hair. If she likes that, later on you might kiss her, etc.
But if at any point you feel that she's not comfortable with your touch, you just slow down and allow her to become more comfortable, and then try again later.
That shows her that you desire her, that you lust after her, and at the same time that you're respectful of her because you allow her to be comfortable.
Conclusion
Showing a woman that you desire her while respecting her is all about balancing sexual interest with personal interest.Balance is key here. If you only show sexual interest, you'll be seen as a sleazebag. If you only show personal interest, you’ll be seen as a friend.
Most introverted men have a tendency to go the friend road, and that's also why they usually get friend-zoned. If you have that tendency, you have to show more sexual interest so you balance out that personal interest.
To do that, I have a special bonus training for you that goes along with this post. Check it out in the featured download below.
What are your thoughts on showing your desire? Speak your mind in the comments section below!
