How The Introverted Guy Can Get The Girl (part 2)
How To Kiss A Woman
Love Life Optimization: How Introverts Build Unstoppable Love Lives
By the worlds #1 dating coach for Introverted Men - Nick Neeson.
Are your conversations with women dull or exciting?
Today I’d like to continue on a topic that’s close to my heart and the hearts of many of our students.
The last post, “How The Introverted Guy Can Get The Girl”, was a huge success!
Even when we posted it on Reddit, the responses we got from that post were AWESOME.
As you know, the Reddit demographic is generally a more intelligent and also a more demanding public.
Nevertheless, we received a veritable tsunami of emails from smart, introverted men asking us to write more articles on this topic.
In fact, we got so many requests that we decided to write a TRILOGY of posts on that topic.
This is the second part of that trilogy. If you haven’t read the first one yet, you can check it out here right now.
If you did read the first part, then you know that it was all about helping introverted men get the girl naturally by adding touch to their interactions with women.
Well, in this part we will discuss how introverted men can get the girl by having attractive conversations.
Most introverted men are quite good at having one-on-one conversations with women. They are thoughtful listeners, and they know how to create deep bonds.
Sadly, they also tend to end up in the friend zone.
And as you know from our previous article, “escalating touch” is one of the best ways to avoid the friend zone. That’s because when done right, escalating touch will add that spice to the conversation. It will add that arousal and attraction to the interaction.
But touch isn’t the only way to do it.
Tweet ThisMost dating advice companies will try to convince you that you need to behave like an extrovert or like a pick-up artist to do that.
They’ll tell you to be loud or entertaining, or to become a mesmerizing storyteller.
Worse, they’ll even tell you to use lies and manipulation during your conversations with women.
In short, it’s just not you.
Here’s how one of our clients put it just the other day:
"Most dating advice makes me feel like someone I’m not. It’s just not for me, and my brain enters a stubborn ‘I will not change my personality’ mode.”
If you can relate to this at all, then this post was made especially for you.
The good news is that you don’t need any of that stuff to attract women. In fact, the opposite is true: doing any of those things will limit your chances of getting the girl.
If you thought you were on the same level as her or if you thought you were on a higher level than her, would you feel the need to impress her? Of course not.
Second, if you act like an extrovert, you’ll feel like you’re betraying yourself. She’ll know that you’re not being yourself, and she will lose her attraction for you.
And even if it did work, you’d attract women that fall for extroverts. When they find out later that this is not who you are (and they always find out), they’ll dump you in the blink of an eye.
Third, if you use lies and manipulative tricks, she’ll know that too. She’ll get that feeling that something is wrong. Women have a sixth sense for sniffing out bullshitters.
The result?
You won’t get the girl… AGAIN.
Frankly, even if you can get those kind of women with typical PUA techniques, you don’t want them in your life.
If you want to date beautiful, sweet, high-quality women that adore you for who YOU are, then you need to learn how to have natural attractive conversations.
Let’s find out how to do just that.
Let’s look at how you can leverage your core strengths as an introvert and attract women naturally, without being someone you’re not.
Here are…
The good news is that you don’t need any of that stuff to attract women. In fact, the opposite is true: doing any of those things will limit your chances of getting the girl.
Here's why.
First, If you try to impress a woman, she’ll know where you’re coming from. She’ll know that you’re trying to impress her because you’re not acting like yourself.If you thought you were on the same level as her or if you thought you were on a higher level than her, would you feel the need to impress her? Of course not.
Second, if you act like an extrovert, you’ll feel like you’re betraying yourself. She’ll know that you’re not being yourself, and she will lose her attraction for you.
And even if it did work, you’d attract women that fall for extroverts. When they find out later that this is not who you are (and they always find out), they’ll dump you in the blink of an eye.
Third, if you use lies and manipulative tricks, she’ll know that too. She’ll get that feeling that something is wrong. Women have a sixth sense for sniffing out bullshitters.
The result?
You won’t get the girl… AGAIN.
Tweet ThisFrankly, even if you can get those kind of women with typical PUA techniques, you don’t want them in your life.
If you want to date beautiful, sweet, high-quality women that adore you for who YOU are, then you need to learn how to have natural attractive conversations.
Let’s find out how to do just that.
Let’s look at how you can leverage your core strengths as an introvert and attract women naturally, without being someone you’re not.
Here are…
Seven Ways You Can Have Natural Conversations And Create Much More Attraction Than All The PUA Techniques Added Together, All While Staying True To Yourself.
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1. Master Eye Contact
Did you know it’s scientifically proven that eye contact builds both attraction and a connection at the same time?
I know, I know… Everybody and his mom says eye contact is important, but it’s a skill that most men don’t develop and use.
Most dating advice mentions it, and then moves on quickly to the tricks and techniques section. However, eye contact is one of the most important fundamentals to build attraction.
Just think about it for a moment. If you can have a normal conversation and you just keep eye contact long enough, attraction builds naturally.
How great and easy is that?
Especially compared to memorizing complex routines and gimmicks.
And it gets even better because for introverted men, this knowledge is pure gold!
So, adding eye contact during that conversation is only a small extra step. A tiny step, but one with gigantic benefits.
Right now you might be thinking, “Nick, what the heck are you talking about? I make eye contact during conversations, and it doesn’t work.”
Well, that’s because you’re probably doing it the wrong way.
You see, it’s not looking in her eyes once every few minutes that will make this work.
Maintaining eye contact is usually easier when you’re listening than when you’re talking.
When you’re talking, you are accessing information in your brain that you want to communicate. In order to access that information, most people move their eyes in different directions.
For example, have you ever asked someone a question and the person’s eyes went in all directions before they answered you? We’ve all seen that.
This is what happens when you talk.
So when you’re having a chill conversation and you use your listening skills, you’ll naturally have more eye contact with her.
Also…
That’s because introverts tend to think “before” they speak. You’ve already made up your mind before you start talking. You’ve already accessed the information. This allows you to talk while keeping eye contact.
Extroverts, on the other hand, tend to talk before they think. In fact, most times they’re thinking “while” they’re talking. This makes it difficult for them to keep eye contact.
Therefore introverts have a natural advantage over extroverts.
Use that strength and leverage it.
Also, never break eye contact by looking down.
I know, I know… Everybody and his mom says eye contact is important, but it’s a skill that most men don’t develop and use.
Most dating advice mentions it, and then moves on quickly to the tricks and techniques section. However, eye contact is one of the most important fundamentals to build attraction.
Just think about it for a moment. If you can have a normal conversation and you just keep eye contact long enough, attraction builds naturally.
How great and easy is that?
Especially compared to memorizing complex routines and gimmicks.
And it gets even better because for introverted men, this knowledge is pure gold!
Why?
Because (most) introverted men are typically already very good at having one-on-one conversations with women.So, adding eye contact during that conversation is only a small extra step. A tiny step, but one with gigantic benefits.
Right now you might be thinking, “Nick, what the heck are you talking about? I make eye contact during conversations, and it doesn’t work.”
Well, that’s because you’re probably doing it the wrong way.
You see, it’s not looking in her eyes once every few minutes that will make this work.
Tweet ThisSo how do you do it?
Well, that’s where your natural introverted strengths come in to help you.Maintaining eye contact is usually easier when you’re listening than when you’re talking.
When you’re talking, you are accessing information in your brain that you want to communicate. In order to access that information, most people move their eyes in different directions.
For example, have you ever asked someone a question and the person’s eyes went in all directions before they answered you? We’ve all seen that.
This is what happens when you talk.
So when you’re having a chill conversation and you use your listening skills, you’ll naturally have more eye contact with her.
Also…
Tweet ThisThat’s because introverts tend to think “before” they speak. You’ve already made up your mind before you start talking. You’ve already accessed the information. This allows you to talk while keeping eye contact.
Extroverts, on the other hand, tend to talk before they think. In fact, most times they’re thinking “while” they’re talking. This makes it difficult for them to keep eye contact.
Therefore introverts have a natural advantage over extroverts.
Use that strength and leverage it.
Also, never break eye contact by looking down.
The other reason why your eye contact may not work to build attraction is because you might be nervous and fidgeting.
Which brings us to our next step…
Which brings us to our next step…
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2. Stop Fidgeting
Again, this is one of those overlooked little things that make or break your interactions with women.
You can have the best dating skills and techniques in the world, but if you are fidgeting there’s a very small chance you’ll get the girl.
On the other hand, if you can have a normal conversation without fidgeting, you’ll have a big chance of getting the girl.
Sounds like a stretch? It isn’t.
Most women are used to men fidgeting and being nervous around them.
If you do the opposite, you’ll instantly stand out from all the other men.
Also, confidence and pre-selection are extremely potent attraction triggers within women.
If you don’t know what pre-selection is, pre-selection says that women find a man attractive if they know other women find that man attractive.
By completely removing fidgeting from your interactions, you will look like the most confident and pre-selected man she’s ever seen.
This is, in our opinion, even more powerful than that alpha male body language that everybody talks about.
It’s easy to fake alpha male body language. It’s easy to stick your chest out and walk like a boss. But it’s much more difficult to hold a conversation for one or two hours on a date without fidgeting.
I’m not advocating against alpha male body language; on the contrary, it’s something we also teach. I’m just saying that most men can learn very quickly to walk like an alpha.
When women see men walking from a distance with alpha body language, they can’t help but feel attracted. However, when those men start talking to an attractive woman, they fidget, reveal their nervousness, and the attraction dies.
She’ll assume you are used to having beautiful women in your life. How else could you be so totally relaxed? You must have many options to choose from. You must be pre-selected.
Can you see how you don’t need to lie or use tricks and manipulation to create attraction during conversations?
Just being able to have a normal, fidget-free conversation is WAY more powerful.
It’s not even fair how powerful this is, and almost nobody teaches it. Hilarious!
Fidgeting is a consequence of feeling nervous. Because you introspect much more than extroverts do, you will be able to stop the fidgeting faster than extroverted men.
Part of the process of removing fidgeting is catching yourself doing it. Most men don’t even know they are doing it.
As an introvert, you are more aware of these things happening; therefore, you will have an easier time catching yourself doing it and correcting it.
If you use good eye contact, remove fidgeting, and can have a normal conversation, it’s usually enough to get the girl.
Especially if you add escalating touch to it as described in part 1 of this post trilogy.
Really, there is no need for flashy stuff that makes you feel like someone you’re not.
Let’s move to the next thing you can do during conversation to maximize your chances of getting the woman.
You can have the best dating skills and techniques in the world, but if you are fidgeting there’s a very small chance you’ll get the girl.
On the other hand, if you can have a normal conversation without fidgeting, you’ll have a big chance of getting the girl.
Sounds like a stretch? It isn’t.
Here’s why.
Most men aren’t able to have a normal conversation without fidgeting, especially if they feel attracted to the woman they’re talking to.Most women are used to men fidgeting and being nervous around them.
If you do the opposite, you’ll instantly stand out from all the other men.
Also, confidence and pre-selection are extremely potent attraction triggers within women.
If you don’t know what pre-selection is, pre-selection says that women find a man attractive if they know other women find that man attractive.
By completely removing fidgeting from your interactions, you will look like the most confident and pre-selected man she’s ever seen.
This is, in our opinion, even more powerful than that alpha male body language that everybody talks about.
It’s easy to fake alpha male body language. It’s easy to stick your chest out and walk like a boss. But it’s much more difficult to hold a conversation for one or two hours on a date without fidgeting.
I’m not advocating against alpha male body language; on the contrary, it’s something we also teach. I’m just saying that most men can learn very quickly to walk like an alpha.
When women see men walking from a distance with alpha body language, they can’t help but feel attracted. However, when those men start talking to an attractive woman, they fidget, reveal their nervousness, and the attraction dies.
Tweet ThisShe’ll assume you are used to having beautiful women in your life. How else could you be so totally relaxed? You must have many options to choose from. You must be pre-selected.
Can you see how you don’t need to lie or use tricks and manipulation to create attraction during conversations?
Just being able to have a normal, fidget-free conversation is WAY more powerful.
It’s not even fair how powerful this is, and almost nobody teaches it. Hilarious!
So how does this relate to introverted men?
As an introvert, you are more connected with your inner world. Usually, you understand yourself, your feelings, and your inner process better than extroverts.Fidgeting is a consequence of feeling nervous. Because you introspect much more than extroverts do, you will be able to stop the fidgeting faster than extroverted men.
Part of the process of removing fidgeting is catching yourself doing it. Most men don’t even know they are doing it.
As an introvert, you are more aware of these things happening; therefore, you will have an easier time catching yourself doing it and correcting it.
If you use good eye contact, remove fidgeting, and can have a normal conversation, it’s usually enough to get the girl.
Especially if you add escalating touch to it as described in part 1 of this post trilogy.
Really, there is no need for flashy stuff that makes you feel like someone you’re not.
Let’s move to the next thing you can do during conversation to maximize your chances of getting the woman.
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3. Keep The Conversation Focused On Her
Why?
First of all, people love to talk about themselves, including women.Second, when she’s talking about herself she’s investing in the relationship.
Third, if she talks 80% of the time you’ll know a lot about her, but she won’t know much about you. This makes you that mysterious stranger. And as you know, most women have a weakness for mysterious men.
She’ll think of you long after you’re gone.
How does this work out for you?
Well, as an introvert this should come easy to you.You have a tendency to listen to people, and when you listen, you take your time and process their answers from different angles.
You usually think before you speak. This leads to natural silences in the conversation. Those silences are not difficult for you, because you are still in processing mode.
That’s an advantage.
That’s because most of the time, women will fill up that silence by speaking more.
So leverage that natural strength of yours.
The next one is also a natural strength of most introverted men…
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4. Connect With Her
I’m not going to go in depth on this one, because most introverted men know how to do this.
Just use your natural connecting skills.
If you think it will catapult you into the friend zone, you are right.
If you only connect with her and do nothing else, it will. But if you master eye contact, remove fidgeting, and add escalating touch, she’ll become increasingly attracted to you.
And if you really want to ramp it up and spike her feelings of attraction even more, then the next three tips are dynamite.
And again, there’s no need for those silly PUA tactics.
Just use your natural connecting skills.
If you think it will catapult you into the friend zone, you are right.
If you only connect with her and do nothing else, it will. But if you master eye contact, remove fidgeting, and add escalating touch, she’ll become increasingly attracted to you.
And if you really want to ramp it up and spike her feelings of attraction even more, then the next three tips are dynamite.
And again, there’s no need for those silly PUA tactics.
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5. Challenge Her And Disagree With Her
When a woman is talking for 80% of the time, she will reveal a lot of information about herself.
In all that information, there will be things you agree with and things you disagree with.
When you disagree, just naturally voice your opinion, explain why she’s wrong, and stand your ground.
She’ll see you as a strong man and she’ll assume you have options with women.
Only a man with many options would dare to disagree with her like this. It will spike her attraction for you through the roof.
Now, don’t do this as a trick.
Only do it when you mean it.
The beauty of it is that this way you can just be yourself and attract women. That’s what it means when women say “just be yourself”.
It means be honest.
You can bring many more perspectives than extroverted men can. This gives you more ammunition to challenge her.
Again, leverage your strengths!
Next…
In all that information, there will be things you agree with and things you disagree with.
When you disagree, just naturally voice your opinion, explain why she’s wrong, and stand your ground.
Why does this work?
Most men make the mistake of going into “me too” mode with women. They even change their opinions to match hers. Most women find this very annoying and inauthentic.
Tweet ThisShe’ll see you as a strong man and she’ll assume you have options with women.
Only a man with many options would dare to disagree with her like this. It will spike her attraction for you through the roof.
Now, don’t do this as a trick.
Only do it when you mean it.
The beauty of it is that this way you can just be yourself and attract women. That’s what it means when women say “just be yourself”.
It means be honest.
How is this natural for you?
As an introvert, you usually think more and therefore have a deep understanding of things.You can bring many more perspectives than extroverted men can. This gives you more ammunition to challenge her.
Again, leverage your strengths!
Next…
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6. Talk With Passion
Remember, 80% of the conversation is focused on her.
But the 20% of the time you are talking, you better do it with passion.
If you’re not good at talking with passion, you can have some standard answers for typical questions that women ask you.
You’ll see that conversations usually have a certain flow, and you usually get asked the same questions over and over. Give yourself a heads up and have some interesting answers already in the hopper.
This is not being unnatural if the answers you prepared are true. The only thing you do is to make sure you tell it in an interesting way.
There’s nothing wrong with that.
When you have some interesting answers to her questions and you bring those answers with passion, she’ll be really into you.
Remember, you have attractive eye contact, you stopped all fidgeting, you are mysterious, she talks 80% of the time, you connect with her on a deep level, you challenge her, you are passionate, and you know how to physically escalate!
My god, most women would sell their mother to find a man like that.
And here’s the big one…
But the 20% of the time you are talking, you better do it with passion.
If you’re not good at talking with passion, you can have some standard answers for typical questions that women ask you.
You’ll see that conversations usually have a certain flow, and you usually get asked the same questions over and over. Give yourself a heads up and have some interesting answers already in the hopper.
This is not being unnatural if the answers you prepared are true. The only thing you do is to make sure you tell it in an interesting way.
There’s nothing wrong with that.
When you have some interesting answers to her questions and you bring those answers with passion, she’ll be really into you.
Remember, you have attractive eye contact, you stopped all fidgeting, you are mysterious, she talks 80% of the time, you connect with her on a deep level, you challenge her, you are passionate, and you know how to physically escalate!
My god, most women would sell their mother to find a man like that.
And here’s the big one…
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7. Qualify Her
Why is this important?
Well, if you know what you really want in women, then you’ll have a higher chance of attracting exactly the kind of women that you like.
Most men think that by keeping their criteria broad, they’ll have a bigger chance of getting women. Sadly, the opposite is true.
When you ask her qualifying questions during your date, she’ll feel you are picky. Most women are attracted to picky man. Again, for the same reasons, it implies pre-selection.
You must have many choices if you are so picky.
So make sure you know your likes and dislikes in women, and ask them qualifying questions to find out if they meet your criteria.
For example, if you like sporty women, just ask her: “Do you play any sports?”
When you do this multiple times during a conversation, it sets the frame that you are the selector, not her. It’s very attractive. Of course, don’t ask five qualifying questions in a row, but sprinkle them through your conversation.
But you probably never voiced them to women, because you might not have want to offend them. Or maybe you thought that it would hurt your chances of getting the girl.
As you can see, introverted men are sitting on gold, but most don’t realize it.
Just use that gold!
Let it out!
That’s what it really means to just be yourself.
That’s what it really means to attract women naturally, without being someone you’re not.
That’s what it really means to be an Introverted Badass.
And that’s what you are, my friend! A real introverted badass! You just didn’t realize it yet.
Just use your natural strengths.
Use these seven natural ways to have attractive conversations, add to that the escalating touch we talked about in the previous post, and you are unbeatable.
All those PUAs and bad boys won’t even come at your ankles.
Where to go next?
I’ve included a killer bonus package to help you with your next conversations.
Inside this bonus you’ll get:
Well, if you know what you really want in women, then you’ll have a higher chance of attracting exactly the kind of women that you like.
Most men think that by keeping their criteria broad, they’ll have a bigger chance of getting women. Sadly, the opposite is true.
When you ask her qualifying questions during your date, she’ll feel you are picky. Most women are attracted to picky man. Again, for the same reasons, it implies pre-selection.
You must have many choices if you are so picky.
So make sure you know your likes and dislikes in women, and ask them qualifying questions to find out if they meet your criteria.
For example, if you like sporty women, just ask her: “Do you play any sports?”
When you do this multiple times during a conversation, it sets the frame that you are the selector, not her. It’s very attractive. Of course, don’t ask five qualifying questions in a row, but sprinkle them through your conversation.
How does this relate to introverts?
As an introvert you probably know your likes and dislikes much better than extroverted men.But you probably never voiced them to women, because you might not have want to offend them. Or maybe you thought that it would hurt your chances of getting the girl.
As you can see, introverted men are sitting on gold, but most don’t realize it.
Just use that gold!
Let it out!
That’s what it really means to just be yourself.
That’s what it really means to attract women naturally, without being someone you’re not.
That’s what it really means to be an Introverted Badass.
And that’s what you are, my friend! A real introverted badass! You just didn’t realize it yet.
Conclusion
You don’t need to behave like an extrovert. You don’t need to behave like a PUA. You don’t need to behave like a bad guy.Just use your natural strengths.
Use these seven natural ways to have attractive conversations, add to that the escalating touch we talked about in the previous post, and you are unbeatable.
All those PUAs and bad boys won’t even come at your ankles.
Where to go next?
I’ve included a killer bonus package to help you with your next conversations.
Inside this bonus you’ll get:
- Our FAMOUS “Seven Conversation Hacks To Never Run Out Of Things To Say”.
- Our number-one exercise to master what is probably the most powerful technique of all – EYE CONTACT – even if you are terribly shy and can’t look at a woman from 30 feet away. This exercise will also help you stop fidgeting.
- Step-by-step instructions on how to prepare for your next conversation, so you’ll make women want you.
