Love Life Optimization: How Introverts Build Unstoppable Love Lives
How The Introverted Guy Can Get The Girl (part 2)
3 Ways To Show Your Desire Without Disrespecting Her
By the worlds #1 dating coach for Introverted Men - Nick Neeson.
You’ve finally found it…
This resource is designed for those unfamiliar with Team Introverted Badass (Team IB for short) — and for those salty Team IB veterans that want a refresher course on the foundational principles of dating.
It’s also a road map of sorts.
You see, all introverted men are at various levels of STUCK. There’s just so much to learn. From beginner to advanced, we are all looking to improve our love life and our lives in general — we’re always looking to better ourselves. It’s our defining characteristic.
Team IB is all about continuous improvement. We bet on ourselves, we invest in ourselves, and we are repulsed by mediocrity.
This page is here to help you master the dating and relationship stuff.
And by “stuff”, I mean…
It’s the same system Casanova used to become known as the world’s greatest seducer.
It’s the same system famous introverts like John F. Kennedy, Wilt Chamberlain, and Howard Hughes used to gain their reputations as ladykillers.
It’s the same system Elvis Presley, James Dean, and Steve Mc Queen used to get labeled as introverted RAKES.
It’s how Marlon Brando became Hollywood’s lover-boy.
It’s the secret of that cool guy from your school days who used to get all the girls.
It’s the EXACT system all of the world’s greatest studs use.
This system works for short men and tall men. It works for broke guys, for billionaire business typhoons, and everyone in between. It works whether you are good-looking or less fortunate in the genetics department.
This system works because it exploits each and every aspect of the irrefutable law of dating success:
There are only three ways to grow your love life,
• Increase the number of dates
• Increase the conversion from dates to intimacy
• Increase the depth of the relationship(s)
We call it Love Life Optimization or LLO.
Read this page carefully. Read it multiple times and commit it to memory.
This is the stuff nobody teaches you in life.
Download a PDF version here
Print this PDF version and tack it to the wall next to your bed, in your kitchen, and even in your bathroom. If you plan to execute this plan, you’ll need to reference it often.
There are two CRUCIAL reasons why you’ll want to use the LLO system.
1. As an introverted man, you have limited amounts of social energy.
That means that you lose energy when you are out socializing with people.
Sadly, if you want to get dates, most dating advice tells you to go out and socialize A LOT.
Getting dates is the most draining part of the dating process for introverts.
Therefore, you need an efficient system that maximizes every contact you make.
You need a system that maximizes your success rate and leverages the contacts you’ve already made. (So, you WON’T need to do 40 approaches a day, talk to everybody that comes within five feet of you all day long, and be dead tired every evening.)
2. Tactics without context are worthless.
When you’re learning new tactics like daytime dating, night-time dating, online dating, or Tinder, you’ll need to constantly remind yourself of the LLO process. Otherwise, you’re wasting time, money, and energy.
This is a warning: There is little profit in understanding tactics like, for example, pick-up lines, flirting, or Tinder in and of itself. There is enormous profit in understanding how to apply these tactics to the LLO process.
Here are the steps:
1. Determine Male/Female Fit
2. Choose a Venue
3. Introduce & Converse
4. Get Date
5. Get Intimate
6. Get Deep
7. Create The Return Path
Lean in to this article and pay close attention — we’re about to reveal the exact process we use to coach our private clients with different backgrounds…
• CEOs
• Doctors
• Lawyers
• Engineers
• Successful startup entrepreneurs
• Consultants
• Accountants
• Finance executives
• Designers
• Marketers
… just to name a few.
Let’s begin with…
This resource is designed for those unfamiliar with Team Introverted Badass (Team IB for short) — and for those salty Team IB veterans that want a refresher course on the foundational principles of dating.
It’s also a road map of sorts.
You see, all introverted men are at various levels of STUCK. There’s just so much to learn. From beginner to advanced, we are all looking to improve our love life and our lives in general — we’re always looking to better ourselves. It’s our defining characteristic.
Team IB is all about continuous improvement. We bet on ourselves, we invest in ourselves, and we are repulsed by mediocrity.
This page is here to help you master the dating and relationship stuff.
And by “stuff”, I mean…
The System
The world’s best ladies’ men have a system for meeting, attracting and dating beautiful women.
It’s the same system Casanova used to become known as the world’s greatest seducer.
It’s the same system famous introverts like John F. Kennedy, Wilt Chamberlain, and Howard Hughes used to gain their reputations as ladykillers.
It’s the same system Elvis Presley, James Dean, and Steve Mc Queen used to get labeled as introverted RAKES.
It’s how Marlon Brando became Hollywood’s lover-boy.
It’s the secret of that cool guy from your school days who used to get all the girls.
It’s the EXACT system all of the world’s greatest studs use.
This system works for short men and tall men. It works for broke guys, for billionaire business typhoons, and everyone in between. It works whether you are good-looking or less fortunate in the genetics department.
This system works because it exploits each and every aspect of the irrefutable law of dating success:
There are only three ways to grow your love life,
• Increase the number of dates
• Increase the conversion from dates to intimacy
• Increase the depth of the relationship(s)
We call it Love Life Optimization or LLO.
Read this page carefully. Read it multiple times and commit it to memory.
This is the stuff nobody teaches you in life.
Learn the Steps to Love Life Optimization
The following flowchart outlines the LLO system.Download a PDF version here
Print this PDF version and tack it to the wall next to your bed, in your kitchen, and even in your bathroom. If you plan to execute this plan, you’ll need to reference it often.
There are two CRUCIAL reasons why you’ll want to use the LLO system.
1. As an introverted man, you have limited amounts of social energy.
Your dating strategy has to be aligned with the amount of social energy you have.
That means that you lose energy when you are out socializing with people.
Sadly, if you want to get dates, most dating advice tells you to go out and socialize A LOT.
Getting dates is the most draining part of the dating process for introverts.
Therefore, you need an efficient system that maximizes every contact you make.
You need a system that maximizes your success rate and leverages the contacts you’ve already made. (So, you WON’T need to do 40 approaches a day, talk to everybody that comes within five feet of you all day long, and be dead tired every evening.)
2. Tactics without context are worthless.
Dating tricks don't work. You need context and a system.
When you’re learning new tactics like daytime dating, night-time dating, online dating, or Tinder, you’ll need to constantly remind yourself of the LLO process. Otherwise, you’re wasting time, money, and energy.
This is a warning: There is little profit in understanding tactics like, for example, pick-up lines, flirting, or Tinder in and of itself. There is enormous profit in understanding how to apply these tactics to the LLO process.
Here are the steps:
1. Determine Male/Female Fit
2. Choose a Venue
3. Introduce & Converse
4. Get Date
5. Get Intimate
6. Get Deep
7. Create The Return Path
Lean in to this article and pay close attention — we’re about to reveal the exact process we use to coach our private clients with different backgrounds…
• CEOs
• Doctors
• Lawyers
• Engineers
• Successful startup entrepreneurs
• Consultants
• Accountants
• Finance executives
• Designers
• Marketers
… just to name a few.
Let’s begin with…
Step 1 – Determine Male/Female Fit
Dating is pretty simple.
Women want to date men that are of equal or higher value than them.
Most women don’t want to date men that are lesser than them, whether that’s in terms of intelligence, emotional stability, confidence levels, social class, etc.
So, our job in the dating world is to show women we are of higher value, or at least of equal value.
If you are perceived as lower value, then there is no good Male/Female Fit. That means she will see you as unattractive and you will fail.
In order to attract women, we need to be attractive.
Does that mean you need to look like Brad Pitt?
Luckily, no. Even though looks do matter, they matter MUCH less than you might think.
Women are way more attracted to your personality, your powers, and your presentation.
• By personality, I refer to your character traits.
• By powers, I refer to your skills.
• By presentation, I refer to the way you present yourself and your reputation. It’s much more than your genetics. It’s your OVERALL image, vibe, and reputation.
But being attractive is not enough…
You also need to see yourself as attractive.
Ninety-five percent of all introverted men I coach don’t have an attractiveness problem. They have a perception problem.
Women are much more attracted to your self-image than to your actual objective attractiveness.
A good-looking guy that has low self-esteem and sees himself as an unattractive man will date below his league in terms of genetic attractiveness.
You’ve certainly seen tall, handsome guys with less good-looking women, right?
You’ve probably also seen genetically less good-looking, but super confident, men walking down the street with some head-turning arm candy.
What happened?
Simple. The second guy saw himself as an attractive man. He realized his value.
Here’s what I’ve learned in my 20 years coaching introverted men:
Ninety-five percent of all introverted men I coach don’t have an attractiveness problem. They have a perception problem.
A self-image problem.
They don’t see themselves as attractive, while in fact they are.
The most important and highest-leverage thing to do if you want to improve your love life is to realize your attractiveness.
Here’s an exercise to help you do so.
I call it:
The Attractiveness Amplifier.
Ask yourself the following questions:
1. Why am I so incredibly attractive?
As you can see, this question “presupposes” that you are attractive. Not only does it presuppose that you are attractive, it also presupposes you are incredibly attractive.
If we learned anything from Anthony Robbins, it’s that the mind is a beautiful thing.
When you ask your mind a question, it will come up with answers. Your mind literally can’t ignore a question.
When you ask yourself this question, you will come up with answers too.
You will start to realize your attractiveness.
Take 20 minutes and write down as many answers as you can come up with.
Don’t be critical. It’s a brainstorm exercise, so nothing is too weird.
If you think your tongue has a beautiful fleshy pink color, then write that down. ;-)
Keep writing for 20 minutes.
We know from Tony Robbins that when you ask your mind a question, it will come up with answers. Your mind literally can’t ignore a question. So ask yourself WHY you are attractive and you will find the answers to that question too. Write down those answers and read them every day to. You’ll start to realize your attractiveness.
For example, we worked with a client and his list looked something like this:
• I’m resourceful.
• I’m perseverant.
• I’m a great communicator.
• I have fantastic body language
• My skin is perfect. I look really healthy.
• My fashion and style are impeccable.
• I have two sisters that go out with me. When women see me with my two sisters, they think I’m a rock star.
• etc.
The list goes on and on, but I just wanted to give you some examples to show you it can be a mixture of personality traits, powers (skills), and presentation.
“I’m resourceful” and “I’m perseverant” are personality traits.
“I’m a great communicator” is an example of a power (skill).
“I have fantastic body language”, “My skin is perfect,” and “I have two sisters that go out with me” are all part of presentation.
As you can see, presentation is more than just your looks. It’s the way you present yourself to the world. It’s the image you project.
The fact that his sisters go out with him gives him an overall sexy image. Nobody knows they’re his siblings.
To the women in the venue, it looks like he’s a cool guy with lots of female attention. Therefore, it triggers attraction in them.
Now that you’ve made your list, keep that paper somewhere in your house.
2. Every morning for five minutes, ask yourself that previous question (without writing this time).
Start your day off on the right foot. Focus your mind on your attractiveness by asking yourself this question: ‘Why am I so incredibly attractive?”
Let your mind come up with all the possible answers while you get ready for work.
After you’ve asked yourself that question for FIVE MINUTES, take your paper from the previous exercise and read it again.
And if you came up with new reasons, then just add them to your list.
This daily exercise will flood your mind with positive thoughts and feelings.
It will help you to realize your value and focus on your attractiveness.
3. Use thought loops every morning and evening.
Thought loops will change your self-image over time. In fact, when you use them for 90 days straight, your self-image will have changed permanently.
After you’ve done the previous exercise, loop the following affirmation for five minutes in your head.
'I’m an incredibly attractive man. I’m a real catch. Wherever I go, women can’t help but be attracted to me.'
Do this for five minutes in the morning and five minutes in the evening.
No need to say it out loud or in the mirror. It works best when you loop it in your head.
The beauty of this is that you can use it while you’re doing something else.
You can use it as many times a day as you want, and nobody will ever know.
You can use it in the car, at work, on the train, when walking down the street…
It doesn’t matter. You’re doing it in your head and nobody knows.
Thought loops will change your self-image over time.
In fact, when you use them for 90 days straight, your self-image will have changed permanently. You will really see yourself as an attractive man.
Women will notice it in your body language, your micro-expressions, and your vibe.
But you need to use them for 90 days straight, two times a day, without skipping any days.
Does that mean you need to wait 90 days to see yourself as more attractive and be more confident? Not at all.
You’ll notice a difference after the very first time you use them.
And you’ll see women react to you differently very quickly.
But if you use them for 90 days straight, the change will be permanent.
Now that you are more aware of your attractiveness, let’s look at the kind of women you want to date.
Determine Your Ideal Woman Persona.
A woman needs just talk to you for a few minutes to realize that you are desperate. Making an ideal woman persona solves this problem.
Most men are not picky when it comes to women and dating.
I can understand that. If you’re not having success at all, the last thing you want to do is be picky, right?
WRONG.
The answer is counterintuitive. The more picky and clear you are on your ideal woman, the faster you’ll date that kind of woman, and the more successful you’ll be in attracting women in general.
As I said, most men will go after any woman.
If you do that, here’s the kind of problems you will encounter:
You won’t be on fire when you’re interacting with her. That means your vibe won’t be good. You also won’t be witty and on point.
You will give off a desperate vibe without realizing it. Women will pick up on it.
A woman needs just talk to you for a few minutes to realize that you are desperate. And desperate men are repulsive to women. She’ll sense it in your way of talking, in your vibe, and in your attitude.
All of this results in a longer learning curve, with many more rejections.
Defining your ideal woman persona allows you to align and tailor your dating method. This will dramatically improve your success rate.
That also means you’ll have to do many more approaches to get good. More approaches means more social interactions, which means that you’ll drain your energy levels much more quickly.
Plus, when you finally get better at dating, you’ll realize that you didn’t focus on the kind of woman that you truly want. Sooner or later you will start thinking about your ideal type of woman.
But there’s a big chance your current dating skills and approach will not work on your ideal woman because you didn’t focus on your exact type from the beginning.
That means you’ll have to unlearn what you’ve worked so hard for.
This adds another six months to your learning curve.
I have a student, a 33-year-old engineer. Very intelligent guy.
Clarity brings focus. Focus is the FASTEST way to success, including dating success!
He wants to meet women that are more serious and have a decent job.
Yet he was using a dating method that told him to start conversations with women by taking selfies with them. You know, the “fun school guy” approach. There’s nothing wrong with that.
But it was not aligned with the kind of woman he truly wanted.
He had been reading lots of different dating advice from different gurus online.
But none of those gurus had a dating approach and style that was suited for the kind of women he really wanted.
And so he was wasting his time learning the wrong dating reflexes. Not that those methods were bad in and of themselves, but they were not suited to the kind of women he really wanted.
Don’t make that mistake.
Knowing your ideal woman brings clarity and focus, which helps you in so many ways. It also saves you months, even years, of time.
And most importantly, you won’t be draining your energy by doing tons of approaches that result in rejection after rejection.
Your Ideal Woman Persona Exercise:
Answer these questions to determine your ideal woman profile.Looks
What does your ideal woman look like?
What kind of physical qualities do you like in a woman?
• Hair color?
• Eye color?
• Skin tone?
• Height?
• Weight?
• Tattoos?
• Her measurements?
• Others?
Let’s face it. We are men. We are pretty visually stimulated. If a woman is not our type in terms of looks, we won’t even bother to dig any further. So I’ve included looks first.
Taking the time to think about and write down the kind of looks you want will help you in different ways.
First, just writing it down will make you more picky. And once you become more picky, you’ll have another vibe. Women will pick up on that. It will make you more attractive in their eyes.
Long story short, it has to do with options. Only a man with options is picky. Men with options are more attractive to women because it signals to women that they have a high value on the dating market.
Furthermore, you can use her measurements and weight as fun conversation topics.
You can guess her measurements and her weight.
Here’s how you do it.
You put your hands on her hips (like you are weighing her). Look her up and down, and then guess her measurements and her weight. Of course, this is done in a playful way.
It introduces fun and intrigue into the conversation.
It’s fun because it’s playful. It’s like a parody of the meat market. Like you’re buying some meat. At the same time, it subtly lets her know you have standards and are screening her.
It will also make her intrigued. Especially when you guess right.
When you focus your mind on these things, you’ll start to become pretty good at it pretty quickly.
Don’t be surprised when you start guessing right.
And if you missed the mark, at least it’s still fun and helps your conversations stand out from all the other men she meets. You can’t lose with this.
Style
• Classical beauty?
• Supermodel?
• Girl-next-door?
• Rocker chick?
• Emo?
• Et cetera…
This is important.
Once you know what kind of style your ideal woman has, you can also ask yourself what kind of style you would need to wear.
If you like a woman with a classical beauty style, you won’t have much chance if you dress in khakis, like a PUA, or in an emo-punk rock style.
Gender roles
• Old-fashioned?
• Modern?
This is also VERY important.
If you are old-fashioned in terms of gender roles, don’t waste your time dating women that are modern.
You won’t feel good with them, and you’ll get rejected a lot. It has nothing to do with your dating skills or your attractiveness—just gender role incompatibility.
Also, it makes for an interesting conversation topic on dates.
Character Traits
• Introverted? Extroverted?
• Follower? Leader?
• Caring?
• Submissive? Dominant?
• Super social with a big group of friends, or more reserved with a few good friends?
• Sexual?
• Creative?
• Emotional or logical?
• Sensitive or more tough?
• Others?
Character traits are also very important for multiple reasons.
First, you’ll want to find out if you are compatible long term.
It’s easy to get into her beauty and neglect character traits. When you do this, here’s what will happen.
After two years, the feelings of being ‘in love’ will be gone, and then those incompatible character traits will become more visible to you.
They will start to annoy you, you’ll be unhappy in your relationship, and the relationship will probably end.
Furthermore, talking about her personality traits is very useful to create deep connections during dates.
Also, asking her about her character traits, and then approving or disapproving of them, further positions you as a picky guy.
Asking women about their character traits, and then approving or disapproving of them, positions you as a guy with high standards. This creates attraction within women.
Not only does it position you as a man with options, but she’ll also know she can’t win you over just with her looks. And on top of that, you’re being a challenge.
All this will tremendously set you apart from all the other men she has dated. She’ll start to work harder for your attention.
It will also help you with online dating if you’re into that. Many dating sites allow you to select potential matches based on character traits, etc.
And last but not least, when you are having conversations with women, you now have a purpose – which is to get to know her on a deeper level.
So instead of asking her questions where you don’t really care about the answers, this gives you purpose.
It helps you so much and on so many levels in your conversations. You can’t even begin imagining the impact this has on your success.
Now, of course, don’t ask her about her character traits all the time, like a job interview.
Instead, throughout the conversation there will be natural moments that will trigger you to ask questions about her character traits.
Your ideal woman persona allows you to have purpose in your conversations. Most men ask questions they don’t really care about. But you “will” care about the answers. This helps you have interesting conversations and stand out from your competition.
Let’s say that you are on a date with her, and the subject of her job arises.
You could use that to guess one of her character traits.
Her: I’m a nurse.
You: Okay. So you must be a very caring person, right? Do you like to help people in general or is that just something you do as part of your job?
Her: No, I’m a really helpful person, I really like to help people.
You: Not bad… I like that. (approving of her).
Her: Thanks.
You: Have you always been so caring, or is that something you developed somewhere in your life?
Her: I think I’ve been like that since I was a little girl. I mean, as long as I remember I was like that… I remember one time when I was a kid I… (explains situation that shows that she was already very caring from a young age)
You: Good. You like to take care of people, and I like to be taken care of. Does that mean you would cook me soup, give me a good massage, and bring me my slippers…? (said with a cheeky smile, making a parody of the sexist macho)
Her: Haha! Don’t count on that. I’d prefer you give ME a massage after a day of hard work!
This will really help you have interesting conversations and stand out from the other guys that ask typical “wimp” questions like:
What’s your type? Am I doing a good job so far? Do you like me? Do you think we are a good match?
Goals and Values
What are her goals and values in life?
• Family-oriented?
• Home-oriented?
• Career-oriented?
• Wants children?
• Wants to travel?
• Loves dogs?
• Etc. List your criteria.
Goals and values are important for the same reasons as character traits. Read that part again if you want to know how to use them to improve your love life.
Activities, Sports, and Hobbies
• Big group of friends, or a few good friends?
• Yoga?
• Fitness?
• Running?
• Etc. List your criteria.
Important for the same reasons.
Can also be used during conversations to build rapport, tease her, etc.
Likes and Dislikes
• Animals?
• Children?
• Art?
• What books does she read?
• What magazines does she read?
• Etc. List your criteria.
Important for the same reasons.
Can also be used during conversations to build rapport, tease her, etc.
Health & Fitness
• Healthy food: high, medium or low importance?
• Into sports: yes, no, a little?
• What kind of sports?
• Fitness?
• Running?
• Yoga?
• Biking?
• Swimming?
• Others:
Skills
What is she good at?
Important for the same reasons.
Can also be used during conversations to build rapport, tease her, etc.
Her Ideal Day
What does her ideal day look like?
Important for the same reasons.
Can also be used during conversations to build rapport, tease her, etc.
Demographic Information
• How old would your ideal woman be?
• What type of job would she have?
• What’s her ideal level of education?
This is especially helpful if you use online dating. You will use it to set up your preferences.
Venues
What places would your ideal woman frequent?
What places would your ideal women go to that nobody else would go to?
Venues are critical, as they will allow you to set up the next part of your LLO Process (more on that in step 2).
Your “perceived” value determines the quality of the women you can date.
If you are perceived as a confident man with lots self-esteem who takes care of his health, dresses well, and generally has his shit together, you can date just about any woman you want.
If you are perceived as a guy that lives in his mom’s basement and picks his nose all the time, don’t expect to date models.
If you want to date better quality women, the only thing you need to do is to improve their VALUE PERCEPTION of you.
There are three ways to do this:
1. Improving YOUR value perception of yourself.
A woman’s perceived value of you is based on your perceived value of yourself.
In English: the more attractive you believe you are, the more attractive women find you.
I’ve said it a million times before, and I’ll keep saying it over and over again. Women are not attracted to your ACTUAL value as a man.
They are attracted to their PERCEPTION of your value. And most of their perception of your value is based on YOUR perception of your value. They are attracted to your self-image.
That’s right, the more attractive you believe you are, the more attractive women find you.
You can improve your perception of your value through psychological exercises.
This is, in most cases, the highest-leverage thing you can do.
Most introverted man that we coach have their lives figured out. They take good care of themselves, etc. The only thing missing is their love life.
But typical dating advice tells them to behave like someone they’re not – like extroverts, PUAs, or bad guys. Because of that, they start to think there’s something inherently wrong with them.
In most cases, the first step in our coaching is to make them realize their attractiveness.
Once they see themselves as more attractive, they start to get more compliments and success with women.
It’s a really great thing to witness.
2. Improving your real value.
This means improving your life: health, presentation, fitness, career, finances, etc. This is the best strategy for long-term success.
That’s because when you improve your life, it also affects your self-image. If you have your life figured out and under control, you have more self-esteem and confidence, which is the key thing women are looking for in a man.
3. Improving her perception of your value.
Dating skills are all about showing an embellished version of yourself.
That’s what dating tactics are all about. It’s about showing an embellished version of yourself.
Sadly, if you don’t work on the other two parts, you won’t get results. Especially not with quality women.
They will see right through you.
However, when you have your life under control and have a healthy self-esteem, then adding the right dating strategies will multiply your success with women beyond your wildest dreams.
So before you start dating, get clear on your Value and your Ideal Woman Persona.
Use the two exercises I provided for you earlier in this article.
If you’re not able to clearly articulate your ideal woman persona, you will have issues with your Male/Female Fit.
You’ll start chasing all types of women just to improve your dating skills, but you’ll get rejected so many times because the Male/Female fit just isn’t there.
Again, you’ll need to do so many approaches to get small results that it’s just unbearable for an introvert. You would be dead tired all the time.
Also, these rejections will make you give up pretty quickly. That’s because you’ll think there’s something wrong with you, instead of seeing it as incompatibility issues.
Soon you’ll be back focusing on other parts of your life, hoping that one day, you “get lucky”.
There may be nothing more important than Male/Female Fit, simply because every other part of the process becomes much easier when you go for the right kind of women.
(By the way, I’m giving away a FREE strategy session that goes into even more depth about this process. In that strategy session, I’ll build you customized dating plan. This blueprint is based on the LLO process. If this stuff interests you — get your free custom blueprint here.)
In the next step, I’ll dispel the myth behind dating skills…
Step 2: Choose A Venue
The last step in the Ideal Woman Persona was to describe the different venues your dream woman would hang out at.
Knowing what kind of venues your ideal woman would go to is crucial to your dating success in so many ways.
First, it allows you to be much more efficient in your dating.
By frequenting these venues, you will have a bigger probability of meeting women that are naturally compatible with you, which will increase your success rate.
Not only will you get results faster, but also you’ll need to go out and socialize MUCH LESS.
Second, and this might shock you, but…
Tweet ThisYou might have a confidence problem, a value problem, or a strategy problem.
But you probably DO NOT have a skill problem or a tactics problem.
Here’s why.
Dating skills or tactics are quite easy to learn.
Dating gurus, dating sites, dating apps—just to name the obvious ones—are lining up to sell you the latest tactics.
But skills and tactics are worthless if you don’t understand the LLO process.
That’s why you are frustrated. You have no context. You have no system.
We can teach you daytime approaches, nighttime approaches, conversation skills, attraction skills, texting tactics, Tinder strategies, online dating, etc. But first you need to understand the system.
The goal, no matter which dating approach, skill, or tactic you choose, is to drive potential romantic partners through the LLO process.
And the best way to do that is to…
Become a master of a single venue (source of potential romantic partners).
Do a lot of things, and it will take you a LONG time to MAYBE become AVERAGE at them. Focus on just a few things, and you’ll QUICKLY become EXCELLENT. Instead of focusing on multiple venue’s, choose a single venue. Stay focused on that venue, and once mastered, add a second venue and a third venue.
Most men want to learn how to get women everywhere.
Here’s an example of one of my students who sent me a few messages spread over just a few days.
Monday: Nick, do you get into the social circle game too? I see some women don't like to meet one-on-one, only in group activities, at least at first.
Tuesday: I saw some cute girls in the airport on the way home. Do you have some introvert-friendly methods for these types of situations, where you'd probably need to go for longer initial conversations and maybe try to sit together on the plane (for flights where seats are not assigned)?
Here’s what I like about this guy.
He is committed to getting results. Respect!
However…
Many men that have committed to become good with women see opportunities everywhere.
But here’s a harsh truth…
These opportunities are not opportunities.
They are time-wasters. They are focus-destroyers. They are the enemies of mastery.
Plus, you are continuously bombarded by dating gurus trying to sell the latest new tactic. Tinder hacks, online dating hacks, attraction hacks, conversation hacks, escalation hacks, etc.
Tactics, tactics and more tactics.
Opportunities are not opportunities.They are time-wasters. They are focus-destroyers. They are the enemies of mastery. You are continuously bombarded by dating gurus trying to sell the latest new tactic. You need to say NO. Only focus on the things that matter. Only say yes to tactics that align to your chosen focus and overall LLO System.
Here at Team IB we call it tactical hell.
If you want to get results fast, you need to avoid tactical hell.
Instead, you need to become a master of a single venue.
It’s the principle of focus.
Do a lot of things, and it will take you a LONG time to MAYBE become AVERAGE at them.
Focus on just a few things, and you’ll QUICKLY become EXCELLENT.
As an introvert, this is even more important. Again, that’s because you have limited social energy. If you focus on meeting women in different venues, you’ll need to go out and practice a lot more.
So choose a single venue. Stay focused on that venue, and once mastered, add a second venue and a third venue.
These venues include:
• Daytime venues: street, shops, coffee shops, book stores, etc.
• Nighttime venues: bars, clubs, parties.
• Social circle venues: work, friends, gym, hobby club, etc.
• Online dating: dating sites and dating apps.
• Social media: Facebook and Instagram
Your dating strategy (if the goal is getting many dates and ultimately finding your dream woman) begins and ends with driving potential romantic candidates into the LLO funnel.
It begins with an Introduction…
Step 3 – Introduction & Conversation
The next two sections (Introduction & Conversation and the Irresistible Date Request) show you how to grow your love life through the first of Team IB’s strategies: increase the number of dates.
An introduction is usually done in person, through others, or virtually (online).
The introduction exists to increase the number of dates.
Because the introduction is the very top of the LLO funnel, increasing the number of introductions will pay dividends through the rest of the system.
The introduction doesn’t need to be fancy. Here’s a great introduction that we teach our clients: ‘Hi’.
The introduction is just a way to start a conversation, nothing more. Most men spend way too much time on the introduction topic.
Yep, that’s it. ‘Hi’. Nothing more.
The introduction is just a way to start a conversation, nothing more. Most men spend way too much time on the introduction.
However, you WILL need to create an impact with your introduction.
And here’s something you didn’t expect.
And it’s not just with online dating, or situations where you’ve been introduced through a common acquaintance.
I’m also talking about situations where you personally start a conversation with her.
Women are always observing and taking in their environment.
That’s because women are physically less strong than men. Therefore, throughout our evolution they needed to be more aware of their surroundings.
She will have seen you before you approach her. Heck, most of the time she will see you before you even see her.
And I’m not just talking about parties or social gatherings, but also in places like the street, the supermarket, a bookstore, coffee shop, EVERYWHERE.
That means she’ll have already made up her mind that you are either a possible romantic candidate or a just another ‘nah’ wimp that she won’t give the time of the day.She will make her judgement of you based on your body language: the way you walk, the way you stand, the way you interact with others.
That’s because you inner confidence and self-esteem show in your body language.
So the most important part of the introduction is not the words coming out of your mouth, but your body language.
She will have noticed your body language before you have the chance to say ‘Hi’.
So make sure to ALWAYS have confident body language on.
Here are some body language tips to use:
• Keep your chin up.
• Keep your chest out.
• Walk with big strides.
• When standing, keep your feet at shoulders’ with.
• When sitting, make sure to take up space..
Women are ALWAYS looking. So, make sure to ALWAYS have confident body language on.
Online introductions through dating sites or apps like Tinder, can help you with your first impressions.
That’s because you can choose and embellish how you present yourself. You choose the pictures that you put up, after all.
When other people talk about you and endorse you to a woman, she will be attracted to you even before she meets you.
That’s why social circle dating strategies can be very powerful.
But it doesn’t stop at the introduction. As I just said, the introduction is very short and it enables you to transition in a conversation.
The purpose of that first conversation is for you to find out if she’s the kind of woman that you would like to take out on a date and if so, set up a date with her.
But what makes for a good first conversation?
The good news is, you don’t need be a great conversationalist to have a great first conversation.
If you have made a great impression through your body language, she will make the conversation easy for you.
And here’s a little secret for you.
That’s because you’ll have momentum. She’s contributing. You’ll get that positive feedback and the ball is rolling.
So in the beginning, when learning, make sure you have about 30 seconds of conversation material ready.
But what do you talk about in those 30 seconds? And what do you talk about AFTER those 30 seconds?
Well, that typically depends on the venue in which you meet her.
That’s why it’s so important to FOCUS on a SINGLE venue to meet women.
Ask yourself the following question: Do I want to learn all the dating methods that exist, or do I want to get results? If you focus on learning different dating methods for different venues, you’ll take forever to get results.
So again, FOCUS on one SINGLE venue and learn a method TAILORED to that venue.
If you focus, you will become very good in that venue pretty quickly.
Once you master that venue, only then should you add a new venue.
By the way, chances are that after you’ve mastered that venue, you won’t even want to add new venues.
That’s because you’ll have found a source that delivers you a stream of dates with quality women that are exactly your type.
You have to ask yourself the following question: Do I want to learn all the dating methods that exist, or do I want to get results?
If you focus on learning different dating methods for different venues, you’ll take forever to get results.
Men that learn dating skills typically take about five years to get good at dating.
FIVE YEARS! No wonder 99% give up before they get any results.
The three most common reasons for this are:
• Lack of focus.
• Tactical hell.
• No system.
So again, FOCUS on one SINGLE venue and learn a method TAILORED to that venue.
And remember, the more introductions, the more dates…
Step 4: Make an Irresistible First Date Suggestion
If you understand and execute this step, you’ll be ahead of most of your male competition.
Remember, our first goal is to increase the number of dates. So far, we have only generated introductions and conversations. We still haven’t generated dates.
The Irresistible Date Suggestion is made to those women that you felt a ‘click’ with during your first interaction.
The Irresistible Date Suggestion is an irresistible, super low-commitment suggestion (usually a coffee at noon, a drink in the evening, or an activity both of you like).
In order to understand the power of the Irresistible Date Suggestion, you need to understand two things.
First, you need to know why we date, and second, you need to know the power of commitment and consistency.
Let’s start with WHY we date first.
Definition of dating: two people pairing off with the purpose of getting to know each other.
Dating is nothing more than two people pairing off with the purpose of getting to know each other.
I’m going to say that again. The purpose is to get to know each other. The purpose is NOT to get married.
The reason we do that is simple. It’s all about risk mitigation. You’ll want to get to know the person to make sure they’re not a weirdo or dangerous.
You also want to find out if both of you are compatible. Is there attraction? Do you feel a click? Did you have a good time together on your dates?
These are important things to consider before committing to an intimate relationship with someone.
It’s the most logical thing to do.
And think about it. Just the fact that people engage in a dating process signals that they get it. It also signals that they are not desperate.
Imagine for a moment that you meet a woman in a coffee shop, and within the first minute of talking to you she told you that she wants to marry you and have children with you.
That would be weird. You wouldn’t trust that. But what if she was really beautiful? What if she was a model?
You still wouldn’t trust it. You’d think there was something wrong with her. In fact, you would find her less attractive, regardless of her looks.
That’s because she’s asking for a too big commitment way too soon. That’s weird, distasteful, and unattractive.
Sadly, most men make the exact same mistake when they are interested in a woman.
They show too much investment too soon. They ask for big commitments too early.
Here are some examples of what your male competition is doing.
Most of them make the mistake of inviting a woman out to dinner and a movie on a first date.
Dinners are the worst first date idea possible because you position yourself as a provider instead of a lover.
That’s usually a bad idea for multiple reasons.
First of all, the commitment level is too high for a first date.
If she goes on a first date dinner and it doesn’t work out well, then she’s stuck there with that guy for two hours. She can’t just excuse herself and leave. That would be inappropriate.
That means she will be trapped there. Women will decline dinners as first dates more often than not. The risk is just too high.
Remember, dating is about minimizing the risk of unpleasant situations and relationships
The same goes for the movies. Let’s say she meets her date at the movie theater, and things feel awkward from the get-go. She will be stuck there for two hours.
The second reason dinners are the worst first date idea possible is because you position yourself as a provider instead of a lover.
It’s just too much investment on your part for a first date.
If you use first date requests that are too high in commitment (time or financial), you won’t get many dates.
And the dates you get will take forever to convert into a physically intimate relationship. That’s because you positioned yourself as a provider instead of a lover.
When women see you as a provider, they make you wait much longer before they have sex with you.
When women see you as a provider, they make you wait much longer before they have sex with you.
But your male competition is doing even worse than that.
Many guys buy women flowers or expensive gifts, or confess their feelings too soon. Some even write them love letters.
That’s a BIG NO-NO.
Remember. Dating is a risk mitigation strategy. You start off small and gradually increase.
If you don’t do this, if you start off too big too soon, you’ll be seen as desperate.
Women are repulsed by desperate men.
So again, start small.
And that’s where the irresistible first date suggestion comes in.
The goal of the Irresistible Date Suggestion is to fundamentally change the relationship from a friendly stranger to a potential date.
It’s the conversion of a friendly contact to a “lover candidate”. NOT A MARRIAGE!
Once you are positioned a “lover candidate”, everything becomes much easier.
That’s when the second principle you need to understand comes into play.
Commitment and consistency.
According to Robert Cialdini, the world's foremost authority on influence and persuasion, once people commit to something they’ll want to stay consistent with that commitment.It’s why marketers bombard you with low-ticket sales items. They know that once you buy something small, you’ll come back to buy something bigger later.
You can see this principle everywhere.
It’s the ridiculous flat-screen TV deal at Best Buy. It’s the rock-bottom price of a Kindle Fire. It’s the $20 for $50 worth of Mexican food Groupon offer. It’s every service offered for five measly bucks on Fiverr.
The goal of these irresistible low-ticket offers is to fundamentally change the relationship from prospect to customer. The conversion of a prospect to a customer, even for $1, is magical.
That’s because it’s not a prospect anymore. It’s now a customer. And once somebody is a customer, they are much more likely to buy more stuff and buy more expensive stuff.
It’s the same in dating. By getting a woman to ‘commit’ to a date with you, you’ve fundamentally changed the relationship from stranger or acquaintance to ‘lover candidate’.
You are now in a totally different category in her mind.
That means she will now be much more likely to escalate the relationship further.
Here’s an example of how it might escalate from that point on.
Coffee at noon ==> evening date ==> first kiss ==> third date ==> intimacy ==> committed relationship.
As you can see, it started with a small first step.
But if you use the Bazooka approach and go too big too fast, you won’t even be considered a “lover candidate”. The relationship category shift hasn’t happened yet. You skipped steps!
At best, you will be positioned as a provider. You’ll probably end up in the friendzone. And at worst, she’ll completely disappear from your life.
The key is to start small and make a first date request that women are unable to resist.
If you go too big too fast, you will be positioned as a provider. You’ll probably end up in the friendzone. At worst, she’ll completely disappear from your life.
The key is to start small and make a first date request that women are unable to resist.
The most common way to make a date request irresistible is by suggesting something low-cost with a or low commitment on both sides
Again — you are not trying to get married from a first date. You are trying to acquire dates, because there is nothing more valuable than a women that has COMMITTED to going on a date with you.
When you understand the rest of the Love Life Optimization process, you will understand how the Irresistible First Date Suggestion is the single most powerful addition you can make to your dating life.
Types of Irresistible First Date Suggestions
The Direct Blind Invitation
‘We should go out sometime.’
We call it blind because there is no specific event mentioned. For example, you didn’t invite her to get coffee at a certain date and time.
It’s kind of like a pre-commitment technique.
It’s direct, because it’s pretty obvious it’s a date.
It’s typically used in situations where there would be no negative impact if she said no. You typically use this outside of your social circle, work, hobby club, etc.
It’s irresistible because it’s a very low form of commitment. The word “sometime” makes it sound like it’s something further away. It’s non-committal.
Most women will say, “Yes, why not?”
Once she says yes, you then have two options.
1. You arrange the date and time right there.
‘Well, Tuesday and Friday, I’m quite busy. Let’s have a drink Wednesday or Thursday at 7:00 p.m.”
2. You take her number and arrange the actual date over text.
‘Okay, let’s exchange numbers and I’ll send you a text later’.
The Direct Specific Invitation
It’s typically used when there is no negative impact if she were to say no.
Mostly, it’s used outside of social circles, etc.
“Let’s go grab coffee at noon. Do you know the Beans & Beans tearoom?”
It can also be stacked on the direct blind invitation. Meaning, once she says yes to your direct blind invitation, you make it more specific.
It’s irresistible because it’s really low investment. It’s just coffee and it’s during the daytime.
It also works for having drinks in the early evening, like 7:00 p.m.
The Helping-Me-Out Invitation
This ones is about her joining you in doing something you were already doing.
For example.
‘You like shopping, right?’ You know what, I have to get some new jeans and a pair of shoes this Saturday. Why don’t you tag along and be my shopping assistant?' This would be said with a cheeky smile.
It’s irresistible because most women love shopping. Plus, it positions you as the price. She’s coming along to help you out. She’s investing in YOU.
It’s also kind of a confident, bold approach. It might be seen as slightly arrogant. But it works wonders.
Even if she says no, you’ll have amplified her attraction because of the confidence and the frame you set.
You can still use another type of invitation IF she says no.
Interest-Based Invitations
This irresistible date suggestion works wonders because it leverages on her interests, hobbies, or passions.
Let’s say you found out during your conversation that she loves art. You could invite her out like this:
You: ‘So, you like art? Do you know that new art gallery on Fifth Avenue?’
Her: ‘Yes. But I’ve never been there.’
You: ‘I heard they have a really great collection of art coming in next week. We should go check it out.’
Her: ‘Yes, that sounds great’.
You: ‘Well, I’m quite busy Monday and Tuesday, but Wednesday or Thursday at 7 would work. What’s your schedule?'
Work-Related Invitations
These are ideal to use at work, if you have to work on some project together.
'Hey, we need to finish that project by next Tuesday. Do you have time to work on it Wednesday or Thursday evening?'
Now, this is not really a date request, but sometimes you don’t want to ask a woman out in a direct way.
That could be because of possible repercussions.
Maybe you don’t want to risk a rejection with someone you’ll need to see every day at work.
So you ask her out in a more covert way. This allows you to be with her in a one-on-one situation.
This one-on-one time will enable you to test the waters some more and use some ‘invisible micro-escalation’ tactics to see how she reacts.
Social Invitations
Social invitations are not real date invitations either, because they involve other people.
This is typically used as a two-step strategy.
1. Use a social invitation as an irresistible request.
2. Use that social time to build more attraction, test the waters, and then get her out on a real one-on-one date later.
The way you do it is you either:
1. Invite her to join an activity with you AND your friends, or…
2. Invite her AND her friends to an activity with you AND your friends.
This strategy is best used when you don’t want to risk losing face, or when you’re not sure she’s enough attracted to you. Basically, it’s a play-it-safe strategy.
Here’s how to do it.
Just use any kind of invitation that you want, but add your friends and/or her friends to it.
That’s all there is to it.
For example:
You: ‘So you like sushi, right?’
Her: ‘Yes, I love sushi.’
You: ‘My friends and I are going to this great sushi bar on Thursday. They serve the best sushi in the whole town. Why don’t you join us?’ (Alternatively, ‘Why don’t you and your friends join us there?’)
Irresistible First Date Suggestions are all around us.
The strategy behind the Irresistible First Date Suggestion is to convert a maximum number of first conversations into dates, with the understanding that a woman that ‘commits’ to going on a date with you will likely be willing to become involved with you through the next three steps of the LLO Funnel.
It’s the cool guy from back in your school days that invited girls to study with him.
It’s that guy from work who’s getting women to join him for a coffee at noon.
The strategy behind the Irresistible First Date Suggestion is simple:
Convert a maximum number of first conversations into dates, with the understanding that a woman that ‘commits’ to going on a date with you will likely be willing to become involved with you through the next three steps:
• Getting Intimate
• Getting Deeper
• Return Path
Contingency Follow-Up
What if it doesn’t work? What if you don’t get the first date? Then you need a contingency plan.
As I already said, your male competition is making many mistakes from the start, and here’s one more mistake that they make.
As soon as a woman puts up a challenge for them (by accident or consciously), they immediately assume it’s game over.
Or, if they don’t give up, they usually start acting needy. Once that happens, it really is GAME OVER.
You’ll need to go out again and approach new women. And, of course, for an introvert that would mean you would need to socialize more, which would cost you a lot more energy.
That’s why we have contingency plans, or ways to follow up if things don’t work out the way we wanted.
Here are some things that might happen at the first date stage:
• You got her number and texted her, but she doesn’t text back.
• You’re texting with her. Everything goes well, but when you propose a day and time, she doesn’t respond.
• You’re e-mailing or chatting online through a dating site or app, and suddenly she stops responding.
• She refuses your date request.
• You arranged a date either in person, via text, or online, and she cancels the date.
• The worst of all: she doesn’t show up for your date.
What if it doesn’t work? What if you don’t get the first date? That’s why we have contingency plans, or ways to follow up if things don’t work out the way we wanted. For an introvert this is especially important, because without them you’ll need to go out again and approach new women. That would mean you would need to socialize more, which would cost you a lot more energy.
You need two things to address these issues.
Numero uno, you need to know these things can happen and not be affected by them.
As you get better and more confident, it will happen less and less.
Numero dos, you need a contingency plan to deal with these situations. You need a follow-up method.
Often, women are just testing you to see if you are the real deal. They are testing to see if you are a real, confident, high-value man or just another weak, needy wimp.
And that’s exactly what 99% of your male competition is.
They will give up at the slightest test or turn into needy little boys.
But you WON’T, because you know what’s happening and you’ve got a follow-up system.
The beauty of this follow-up system is that it will tell you exactly what do to for each and every possible contingency.
Often, women are just testing you to see if you are the real deal. They are testing to see if you are a real, confident, high-value man or just another weak, needy wimp. Contingency plans are your solution to pass her “most difficult” tests with flying colors.
And sometimes it’s not a test. Sometimes women need to cancel a date, or they don’t reply to your text immediately because they are truly busy. You need to understand that and accept that.
You just need to follow up accordingly.
And if your contingency follow-up plans don’t work? If she’s really not into you? If she’s just out of a relationship and not ready for a new one?
Then it’s still not over. You can put her on a long-term strategy that I call The Return Path.
More on that in Step 7.
But mostly, when you use the irresistible date requests, you’ll get dates. And if not, your contingency follow-up will take care of it.
If you want to learn more about how to ask women out without rejection, read this other post.
Okay, now that you’ve got your first date it’s time for…
Step 5 – Get Intimate
Okay, so you’ve got your first date planned.
Now everything becomes a lot easier for you.
Not only are you now positioned in another category, but there is also commitment there.
She committed to a date with you. She blocked time for you in her agenda. That means she’s saying “no” to something else.
She invested time in getting ready, making herself beautiful, and getting herself over to the place where you both agreed to meet.
That’s something. That’s investment. That’s commitment.
That means that everything from now on is much easier for you.
Conversation gets easier, and escalation also gets easier because you have more room for error.
If there’s a lull in the conversation, or if you say something a bit off-putting, she won’t get up and just leave.
Contrast this to the Introduction & First Conversation step.
If you make a mistake when you first approached her, it would be game over.
From the moment you are on the first date everything becomes much easier. That’s because there is “some” commitment there. She invested time in getting ready, making herself beautiful, and getting herself over to the place where you both agreed to meet. This will give you more margin for error. If there’s a lull in the conversation, or if you say something a bit off-putting, she won’t get up and just leave. But if you make a mistake when you first approached her, it would be game over.
Your goal from the moment you have your first date with her is to escalate on that initial commitment.
It’s to escalate the relationship toward sexual intimacy.
Remember, the second way to improve your love life is to improve your conversions from first date to sexual intimacy.
In order to do that, you need three things: conversation skills, physical escalation, and logistical escalation.
Your ability to converse with her enables you to spend enough time with her so that you can physically escalate the relationship.
During that time, you will want to create three specific emotions in her:
Attraction, Connection & Arousal.
Most women will need to feel all three of these emotions before they become intimate with you.
Most introverted men only focus on building a connection. That’s why they get friend-zoned.
That means you need to learn how to create attraction and arousal on top of your connecting skills.
Most women will need to feel all three of these emotions before they become intimate with you.
And in order to escalate all the way to sexual intimacy, you’ll also need to escalate logistically. You can’t do the bedroom acrobatics with her in the coffee shop where you just met her for your first date. ;-)
Typically, this emotional, physical, and logistical escalation will happen over the course of multiple dates.
The way you physically escalate is by using Invisible Micro-Escalation.
Invisible Micro Escalation is all about touching her early, touching her often, and gradually escalating your touch.
Most men make the mistake of NOT touching a woman. Therefore, they never get to find out if she’s receptive to their touch..
So they become insecure and either don’t go in for the kiss, or work up all their confidence and at the end of the date suddenly LAUNCH in.
Needless to say, neither of these two strategies is very successful.
If they don’t go for the kiss, they typically get friend-zoned.
If they do go for the kiss and she pulls away, it creates a really awkward situation. Plus, their confidence takes a big hit and they won’t try again. Either way, they lose.
Invisible Micro-Escalation solves that problem by using three kinds of touches:
• Social touch
• Seductive touch
• Sexual touch
Invisible Micro Escalation is all about touching her early, touching her often, and gradually escalating your touch. It uses three kinds of touches: social touch, seductive touch, sexual touch.
The idea is to start with social touches. Once she’s comfortable with your social touches you then escalate to more seductive touches, and finally you start using sexual touches.
To go from social to full sexual touches, you need to escalate your touches over the course of different dates.
On the first date you will use lots of social touches and escalate to some seductive touches, which will typically end with the first kiss.
On the second and/or third date you will also use social touches, but you’ll use more and more seductive and sexual touches which will typically end in full physical closeness.
But what exactly do you talk about on your first, second, and third dates?
How do you KEEP creating attraction, connection, and arousal over the course of multiple dates?
How exactly do you escalate physically over the course of multiple dates?
How do you logistically escalate over the course of different dates? And how do you end up at your place or hers?
How do you make sure you do all of this without falling into the friendzone?
The answer: it depends.
It depends on your ideal woman persona.
If you date an open-minded tattooed chick, your escalation sequence and speed might go faster than if you date a Catholic woman who goes to church every Sunday.
It also depends on the date venues.
If your first date is coffee at noon in a coffee shop or if it’s a drink in the evening at a wine bar, your conversation, physical escalation, and logistical escalation will be different.
If your first date is her helping you with shopping, it’s going to be different again.
If you invited her to join you and your friends for a social event, it’s also going to be different.
If you invite her to an art expose, it’s going to be different once more.
The same is true for your second and third dates.
If your second date is bike riding, then you will have a different approach than if your second date was playing pool together.
The Right Mix & The Right Sequence
How do you choose the right dating sequence and mix?
All this leads us to some critical questions...
1. How do you choose the right dating venues for your first, second, and third dates?
(By the way, there are also situations where you need just one date, and situations where you need more than three.)
2. How do you align your conversations to those venues?
3. How do you KEEP creating attraction, connection, and arousal over the course of multiple dates and aligned to those different venues?
4. How do you align your physical escalation to those venues?
5. How do you use logistical escalation on your different dates? And how does your logistical escalation on the last date end up at either her place, your place, or a hotel?
And, more importantly, how do you ALIGN EVERYTHING so it’s a SMOOTH process, with the RIGHT SEQUENCE?
It’s clear that there are many possible combinations. And all of them will require other skills, tactics, and reflexes.
Again, as you can see, it’s worthless to learn skills or tactics without having an overall system and strategy.
You need CONTEXT and a REPETITIVE system. Only then can you choose what tactics and skills to develop. Only then can you focus on the things that matter and get results quickly.
This is how you become unstoppable. You don’t want to be good with all kinds of women, in all kinds of venues.
Instead…
You build a FOCUSED SYSTEM in which you grow competent REALLY QUICKLY because of its REPETITIVE nature.
I can guarantee you that your male competition will be in Tactical Hell all the time.
You, on the other hand, will not be. Also, you won’t lose as much energy, because you’ll have a shorter learning curve and a higher success rate..
Because of that, you won’t be out socializing all the time.
It might stun you to find out that many of the most successful ladies’ men in the world are using a focused and repetitive system.
Hugh Hefner has a system where he uses his business to get a continuous stream of women into his life. He’s always repeating the same steps.
Casanova also had a repetitive system:
Source: Wikipedia
Casanova had a focused, repetitive system.
IMPORTANT: I don’t advise you to use Casanova’s system, as it’s outdated for these times. Plus it was kind of manipulative..
I just inserted his system here to show you that the world’s best womanizers have a REPETITIVE system. They focused. They specialized.
I know it can be a pain in the ass to come up with the right focus and a tailored system, especially if you’re starting out or are at an intermediate level.
So if you would like me to help you with this for free, click here right now.
Contingency Follow-Up
What if you encounter problems getting from first date to intimacy?
Here are some possible issues that might arise:
• The first date didn’t go well
• Difficulties setting up the second date
• Getting rejected when you try to kiss her
• She friend-zones you
• It takes more than three dates to get to full intimacy
• She goes on vacation for three weeks just after your first date
• She’s not over her ex yet
• etc.
How do you handle these possible scenarios?
As usual, you need a contingency follow-up plan.
And, again, this will give you a greater return on your first contacts. It means you’ll need to go out less and therefore you’ll save yourself a lot of energy.
We have contingency follow-up plans for (almost) every situation. Too many to list here. But if you would like a tailored plan for your specific situation, click here.
Okay, so you became physically intimate with her… now what?
Here’s where things get very interesting…
Step 6 – Get Deeper
The third strategy to grow your love life is to increase the depth of your relationship with women. The Get Deeper Strategies do just that.
Most of your male competitors don’t use Irresistible Date Requests, don’t have a focused repetitive system, and most certainly don’t have Get Deeper Strategies.
That’s why they struggle and you won’t.
Ever heard a guy say, “I got lucky’?
This saying says it all. It’s exactly what happens.
They rely on luck to meet women. They position themselves as providers by asking her out for dinner, or by buying her flowers or expensive gifts.
Or worse, they completely ruin it by confessing their feelings and even writing them love letters.
And if by accident they manage to “get lucky” and become physically intimate with a woman, they’ll usually get dumped within months.
It usually ends in them settling for a woman they’re not attracted to, or staying alone for the rest of their lives.
So what do we mean by Get Deeper Strategies?
Getting deeper is a broad concept because it can mean different things to different men.
What are your dating goals?
Getting deeper could mean:
• Getting into a committed, long-term relationship
• Getting into a long-term open relationship. (This is the same as a committed relationship, but both can casually see other people.)
• Just some repeat sexual encounters a few times.
• Becoming friends with benefits
• A “ménage a trois”
This is when you live together with two women. Think Hugh Hefner, except he had three women. So technically it was a “ménage a quatre.” ;-)
Whatever it is you want is totally up to you. I’m not judgmental. Different men have different needs.
However, most of our clients want to date different women in the beginning, so they can find out their preferences. But over time they want to settle down with their dream woman.
Again, whatever you want is fine by me. As long as you are upfront and honest about it to the women you date. That way you won’t break any hearts.
By the way, you would be surprised how many women are open to date you if you tell them upfront you’re not looking for something serious. You would be really surprised.
Anyway, whatever you choose, you need to be able to get it.
That’s what the Get Deeper Strategies are for.
We have specific methods for all those different needs.
So define what “deeper” means to you, and select a method that will help you get just that.
Again, if you want help with that, click here.
Contingency Follow-Up
What if things don’t go as expected?
Then you need (say it with me!) a contingency follow-up.
Here are some things that might happen:
• The sex wasn’t good and she won’t see you again.
• After you’ve been together for a while, she becomes more distant.
• You might get dumped.
… just to name a few.
That’s what contingency methods are for.
It will also save you a lot of energy, because you won’t have to go out so much to find new dates.
… You probably already know this by now. ;-)
Again, we have too many contingency plans to list here, but if you would like a free tailored dating plan based on the LLO process, click here right now.
But what if even your contingency methods don’t work?
Well, there is one more way to boost your love life…
Step 7 – Create The Return Path
The last way really maximizes efficiency to the very MAXIMUM
Enter The Return Path.
I’ve said it so many times in this article, so why not say it once more:
Your biggest dating issue as an introvert is your social energy.
Doing new introductions to fuel the top of your funnel is the most exhausting part of dating for you.
That’s because it requires the most social contacts. So once you have made contact and she’s into your LLO funnel, you’ll want to optimize for efficiency.
If you don’t, you’ll need to go out and do a ton of approaches like they typically teach in most dating advice.
When you apply the LLO funnel, you won’t need so many social interactions. That’s because you’ll have a system for follow-up.
You have:
1. Contingency follow-up plans for every step of the funnel (see previous steps)
2. The Return Path
The Return Path
The contingency follow-up plans are more short-term actions to optimize when something doesn’t go according to plan at a certain point in your funnel.
The return path is a bit more long-term and strategic. It’s used when your contingency plans didn’t work.
The goal of the Return Path is to have strategic contacts with the women you previously met that cause them to come back to the different parts of your LLO funnel.
You can use new Irresistible Date Requests, bring them back to the “date” stage, the “intimacy” stage, or the “deeper” stage if they didn’t want to commit deeper the first time around.
You can keep in contact with them offline and online.
The Return Path is anything that brings potential romantic candidates back for a second chance, or for introducing you to their friends, including:
• Text, WhatsApp, Viber, etc.
• Social circle strategies
• Work environment strategies
Why do you want to use the return path?
Well, first of all, there might be women that dropped out at some part of your LLO funnel. That could be because they weren’t ready yet.
Maybe they had a boyfriend at that time, maybe they just broke up and weren’t looking for a new relationship, or maybe you just messed up.
The second reason, might be because you just got busy with other women. Or maybe you got intimate with her, but you didn’t want to commit to more (this will happen once you get better). ;-)
Keep in contact with women who dropped out by themselves
The goal of the Return Path is to have strategic contacts with the women you previously met that cause them to come back to the different parts of your LLO funnel.
Over time they might break up with their current boyfriend, or they might be ready for a new relationship.
Also, if you messed it up, they’ll see you at a later stage, with more confidence and more skill. They’ll see you have grown more attractive and become more high-value.
It also enables you to use different Re-Activation Strategies.
You can use The Return Path to bring them back to the different parts of your LLO funnel: getting dates, getting intimate, getting deeper.
It all depends on where they dropped out.
Here are some examples.
If you didn’t make a good first impression, you can use the “First Impression Reset Strategy” so you can bring her back to the “date” stage.
If you were friend-zoned, keeping in contact enables you to use “The Friend-Zone Destroyer” so you can bring her back to the “intimacy” stage.
Maybe she broke up with you. Keeping in contact enables you to use the “Get My Ex Back Strategy”, so you can bring her back to the “deeper” stage.
There are too many Re-Activation Methods to list here, and you don’t need to learn all of them. Just the ones that would suit your situation.
Keep in contact with the women YOU dropped
If you meet a woman that’s not your type, or if you got intimate but didn’t want to take it deeper, it’s good to keep strategic contact anyways.
In fact, you’ll want to keep in contact with both the ones that dropped out on their own and the ones you chose to drop.
That’s because they can introduce you to their friends. That way, you can build a continuous stream of new women coming into your life without ever having to approach again.
We call it Referral Dating, and we have many different Referral Dating Strategies, also too many to list her. But again, there’s no need to learn all of them, just the ones that fit your situation.
And last but not least, if you choose to get into a committed long-term relationship with the woman of your dreams, you will still benefit from the Return Path.
In that case, the Return Path will keep you in contact with women you previously met. But just as friends, of course. They will be in YOUR friendzone.
Why is this important?
Well, first of all, there might be some women that you genuinely want to keep as friends. And second of all, you never know what will happen.
If for some reason you become single again, your return path will still be there for you.
You’ll be ready to jump in whenever you want.
Not that I hope that happens to you, and if you follow all the steps from the LLO process, you’ll have a much bigger chance to find, get, and keep the woman of your dreams.
That’s because you’ve defined your ideal woman profile. Plus, you dated multiple women, which allowed you to refine your ideal woman profile.
Through the LLO funnel, you developed an abundance mindset which solves all your neediness issues.
You’ll also learn specific methods and strategies to keep your dream woman once you find her.
Plus, she’ll know that there are many women in your social circle who would like to be with you, which is never a bad thing ;-)
Conclusion
First…
Introverts are different than extroverts.As an introvert, you have a limited amount of social energy.
The hardest part of dating for introverted men is getting first dates.
That’s because it requires you to increase your number of social interactions.
Therefore, you need an efficient system that maximizes every contact you make.
You need a system that maximizes your success rate and leverages the contacts you’ve already made, so you WON’T need to be out socializing all the time.
Second…
There is little profit in understanding tactics like, for example, pick-up lines, flirting, or Tinder in and of itself. There is enormous profit in understanding how to apply these tactics in a context and a system.In order for that system to be efficient it needs to be focused, repetitive, and tailored.
It has to be tailored to three things:
• Your personality
• The kind of women you want to date
• The venues in which you will meet and date them
Tailored LLO Plan
That’s what Love Life Optimization or LLO is all about.
LLO is all about MAXIMIZING EFFICIENCY through:
• Only learning tactics or skills that are aligned with your focused system
• Minimizing your loss of social energy
LLO exploits the only three ways to grow your love life:
• Increase the number of dates.
• Increase the conversion from dates to intimacy.
• Increase the depth of the relationship(s).
And, again, it does so in the most efficient way possible, so that you don’t waste your energy as an introvert.
It helps you maximize your success at every stage of your dating funnel, from introduction and first date to intimacy and deepening the relationship.
It even has contingency plans for every step, in case it didn’t work the first time around.
But it doesn’t stop there.
It goes as far as creating a Return Path, which enables you to strategically stay in touch with the women you approached, so that you can later bring them back to different parts of the funnel or they can introduce you to other women.
All of this is done in an introvert-friendly way. Even the Return Path takes your amount of social energy into account.
It helps you to keep contact through a STRATEGIC mix of online and off-line communication.
In other words, you don’t need become a social butterfly that’s continuously keeping contact with everybody.
Instead, you’ll leverage some strategic communications and time-based triggers. And of course, only with those people you choose.
The single most impactful action you can take right now is to master the top-part of the LLO process – Getting Dates.
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What are your best dating strategies? Share your experience in the comment section below.
