By the worlds #1 dating coach for Introverted Men - Nick Neeson.

Can You Handle the Truth?

"How was your week? Did you implement the exercises we agreed on?”


“Did you make yourself less available for her?”


“Did you voice your opinion instead of going into “me too” mode?”


“Did you go out and meet other women?”  


"Euh…well…actually…hmm…not really…"


For the past month, I’ve been coaching Paul on improving his love life. Paul had deep feelings for a woman we’ll call Jennifer.


Sadly, he got a kiss on the cheek and the famous lines:


 

“I don’t want to lose you as a friend, you’re too important to me. Let’s just be friends, ok?”

 

That’s when I got a call from Paul asking me to help him with this situation. This was his third coaching session. Already from the first session I’d had this strange feeling that something about him was different.


Just like all my students, Paul is on the introverted side of the spectrum. And, like most of them, he called me because he had issues with confidence, approaching women, and being friend zoned.


All our clients are good men.


Luckily, it doesn’t take long for them to realize that being too nice limits their chances with women. Once they see the light, we start with the real work and get results.


But Paul was different. He was also a smart and good man, but somehow I couldn’t get through to him using my usual teaching methods.


 

It was almost like Jennifer had put a “spell” on him.

 

I couldn’t get him back to the real world.


So I decided to take a less gentle approach and use some shock therapy.


I had a serious conversation with him where I told him some raw, harsh truths: no sugar coating, just the brutal facts.


At first Paul didn’t like what I told him AT ALL. But my approach worked to break the spell, and later he thanked me for it.


If you are not getting the results you want in your dating life, and if you have a difficult time getting your head around why this is happening, then here are the six harsh truths I told Paul..


If you are easily offended, I’m going to apologize in advance—but it’s for your own good.


 

6 Harsh Truths that Will Make You Better with Women

 

Listen. How many times have you heard women say they want a nice guy? A gazillion times? But who are they actually sleeping with? If you can’t


see it, let me tell you loud and clear: they sleep with the bad guy or the good guy with an edge.  


Why do women lie about this?  


Well, I’m not sure they’re all lying. Granted, some women flat out lie about it. However, I believe that many women just don’t know what they want in a man anymore.  


At least not consciously. But unconsciously they still know. And that’s the issue.  


To grasp this, you need to understand the Triune Brain. Neuroscientist Paul D. Maclean discovered that humans have three different brains that appeared successively during evolution.  


They are: the reptilian brain, the limbic brain, and the neocortex.  


The reptilian brain is the oldest of the three brains. It controls the body’s vital functions, and is also the part of the brain preoccupied with territory,  


power, and sex. Sexual attraction comes from this part of the brain. It’s the part of the brain that the bad boy triggers.  


The limbic or the mid-brain emerged in the first mammals. It’s preoccupied with emotions and building connections. The limbic brain looks for friendships and connections. It’s the part of the brain the nice guy triggers.  


The neocortex or the higher brain is responsible for the development of human language, imagination, and abstract thinking. Our values, beliefs, and culture live in the neocortex. In fact, it’s this part of the brain that allowed cultures to develop.  


Now here’s the interesting part.


 

When women say they want a nice guy, they’re talking with their neocortex brains.

 

Remember culture (common values and beliefs) reside in the neocortex.  


And in our culture, we are fed the belief that we need to be nice guys and that women should date nice guys.  

Disney movies fed us these beliefs since we were small kids.

Mark Manson describes it beautifully in his article “How Disney Ruined Sex for Everyone,” but Mark isn’t the only one writing about this huge problem.


Emma Overton wrote about it on Askmen and Joanna Hyatt, international speaker on dating, discussed it on the Huffington Post.


Also keep in mind that religion and culture oppress women’s sexuality.


If women would openly admit what they wanted in a man, or if they would openly admit the real number of men they had sex with, there would be social repercussions. Women are easily labeled as sluts, and they have to care about their reputation.


Terri Fisher, psychologist at Ohio State University, did a study with 293 students involving lie detectors.

The study revealed that women indeed DO lie about their sexual pasts.

The study was also published on the New Scientist.


On top of all that, recent cultural programming feeds the feminine imperative.


Women are a big market. Media and movies are empowering women so that they spend more money. The downside of this is that men are cast in more feminine roles.


Victor Pride from Bold & Determined has written a great article about why Western men are becoming what he calls “weaklings.”


But America is not the only country being affected by this.


According to Iben Thranholm of Russia Insider: “Europe’s Men Are Too Feminine and Can’t Defend Their Women from ‘Rapefugees.’”


 

To put it simply: our culture takes away our masculinity.

Always remember this: Our most primary need as a species is to survive and procreate.


Since our reptilian brain is in charge of that, it’s easy to understand how much power it exerts over us. In fact, if you don’t understand a person’s behavior, ask yourself the following question: How is this behavior increasing his/her chances of having sex?


Once you ask yourself that question, you’ll understand otherwise incomprehensible human behavior.


When women say they want a nice guy, they talk with their neocortex or higher brains.


But when they feel sexual attraction for a man, they’re feeling with their reptilian brains.


That’s why women say they want a nice guy but sleep with the bad guy or the good guy with an edge. Their oldest brain takes over and controls the higher brain. In fact, the higher brain will look to rationalize behavior produced by the reptilian brain.


 

That means she’ll find all kinds of reasons (excuses) why she behaved like that.

“I was drunk that night. I was in a bad phase of my life.”

Or she’ll start defending the bad guy, saying he has his good sides too and that actually he’s a good guy.


It’s all rationalization after her primary emotions have defined her behavior.





Chase Amante calls it backwards rationalization.


Does it mean you need to become a bad guy to get women? Not at all!


It just means you need to learn how to speak to her reptilian brain so she feels sexual attraction for you.


In fact, if you are a good guy, you have an advantage because you’re already talking to her mid-brain and her higher brain. If you could just add to that the language of the reptilian brain, you would attract women in droves.


As I just said, women will rationalize (find good reasons) why they are seeing the bad guy—even if culture is against them.

Can you imagine what an effect the good guy would have on a woman if he knew how to trigger her primal brain?

 

Devastating! In a positive way!


She wouldn’t even have to come up with good reasons as to why she did it because the good guy is already culturally accepted.


So really, you don’t need to be a bad guy to attract women. In fact, women don’t like the bad side of bad boys AT ALL—they only like some of his qualities that trigger their primal brain. The bad side is just something that comes with the package.


If you want to learn how to trigger that primal sexual attraction in a woman, you just need to develop those qualities that speak to her reptilian brain. You can do this without becoming a bad guy.  


Let’s have a look at what those qualities are.  


In her book Addickted, Kristina Grish gives the best description of the bad boy and why this irresistible rogue makes millions of smart, savvy, and perfectly sane women lust after him. It’s probably the best book out there to really understand the bad boy and how he affects women’s deeper needs.  


Once we know women’s deeper needs that are met by the bad boy, we can then satisfy those needs WITHOUT resorting to the bad guy characteristics.  


In other words, you’ll know how to give her the good stuff without the bad stuff.  


Here are some of the character traits of the bad boy.  


Bad Guys Are Arrogant  

Do women like arrogant men? No, they don’t!  


What do they like, then?


Arrogance looks like confidence. And, as you know, confidence is probably the number one quality women look for in men.


What does this mean? It means you need to develop your confidence!


Do you need to be arrogant to be confident? Of course not. You can be a good guy with core confidence without being arrogant.


In fact, arrogance is a sign of insecurity. Arrogance only looks like confidence, but in reality it isn’t.  


Scott Berkun describes it well in his article “Arrogance vs. Confidence: What’s the Difference?”


Sadly, there are not many men with REAL confidence. By contrast, the bad guy looks extremely confident compared to all the nice guys out there. Of course women are going to be attracted to that.


But make no mistake my friend.


 

When a woman meets a man with REAL confidence, she’ll dump the bad guy in the blink of an eye.

 

The problem is, there are not many good men with real confidence out there.


What else can we learn from the bad boy?


Let’s have a look at three other traits that bad boys typically have.  


Bad Boys and the Dark Triad

According to Wikipedia, bad boys are compared to men that have certain personality traits called the dark triad.  




All three dark triad traits are conceptually distinct although empirical evidence shows them to be overlapping.  


They are associated with a callous-manipulative interpersonal style.


 

Here is the dark triad: narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy.

 

You can read the Wikipedia description in the screenshot below.





Does that mean you need to acquire the dark triad to become successful with women? Hell no!


As I said before, we need to know what women’s underlying needs that seem to be met by the dark triad are. Once you understand her real needs, you can than fulfil them in a good instead of bad way.


Let’s have a look at the dark triad, how that translates to bad boy behavior with women, and what needs they satisfy for women.


I’ve made a model for you that will make it easier to understand it.


 

When reading the model, remember that her overall primary need is to survive and reproduce.

 



As you can see from this model, you don’t need to become a bad guy at all. You just need to develop good qualities like confidence, self-respect, mission orientation, resourcefulness, assertiveness, perseverance, etc.


If you add these qualities to your good Guy personality, you become the Good Guy with an edge.

Here at team Introverted Badass, we call him “The Good Bad Boy.”

 

Yes, women prefer the bad boy over the nice guy.


But both the nice guy and the bad boy will bite the dust when confronted with the Good Bad Boy.


That’s because he combines the good qualities from both the good guy and the bad guy without any of their bad sides.


If you want to learn how to become the Good Bad Boy, then you need to get your hands on this special bonus package.

Download this bonus training.

The Good Bad Boy Package. How To Drive Women Wild Like A Bad Boy Without Becoming One.

I hate to say it like this but it’s true. Dating and relationship expert Lucia, wrote an article on Your Tango pointing out all the different reasons why Nice Guys are unattractive to women—at the top of her list is the fact that nice guys are insincere.


  Why are nice guys liars? The nice guy hides his intentions. He completely hides his sexuality and acts as if it’s something bad. But why? Let’s be honest. Because it’s a tactic. He hopes to win her over this way. The nice guy also lies about other things, like his opinions.

Don’t agree?

Have you ever heard of “me too” behavior or “yes men” behavior?


When the nice guy is attracted to a woman, he doesn’t speak his mind. Instead of disagreeing when he has another opinion, he changes his opinions to match what the woman is saying.


And if she does something that upsets him, he’s insincere about that too. Instead of telling her she crossed a boundary, he just smiles and lets her walk all over him. But inside it makes him furious.


Women can see right through this! They know the nice guy’s intentions, they recognize the “me too” behavior, and they don’t respect the fact that he doesn’t stand up for himself.


That’s why women don’t want to be with the nice guy. Not only does he completely fail at creating sexual feelings in her, he also strings her along.


Here’s how Wikipedia defines the “Nice Guy” syndrome:





But you know what?


I believe nice guys are good men after all. I truly do. I believe that they don’t even realize they are lying to women.


Here’s what I believe to be true:


 

Nice Guys Are Lying to Themselves (And they don’t even realize it.)

Bad guys are just the opposite: they’re upfront about their intentions and sexuality. They triggers those feelings of arousal in her.


Even with all their flaws, women definitely prefer bad guys over nice guys because, hey, “at least he’s honest” and “at least he’s not boring.”


Now this makes it sound like nice guys are actually the real bad guys, but that’s not true at all.


If you are a nice guy, your strengths include the fact that you truly care about her, that you give her emotional support, that you take much better care of her, and that you are reliable.


Keep those strengths, my friend, but start being honest with yourself. Don’t be ashamed of your sexuality.


If you have a different opinion, disagree with her. Voice your opinion and explain why she’s wrong. And if she ever treats you bad, put her in her place.


Man, if you would just add that to your natural, caring personality, your charm would be devastating.

If you’re a nice guy, you must learn how to create sexual tension with women.

 
When you do, you’ll automatically become more confident and more of a challenge.


There’s just something about being able to give women those sexual feelings that builds your confidence.


If you would like to learn how to create sexual tension like the bad boy, all while staying a good man, then download the “It’s Getting Hot in Here” Package right now.

Neediness is such a bad quality in general.


If you google the word “neediness,” most results are not even about “what” neediness is; instead, Google gives you results that focus on how to stop needy behavior, or how bad needy behavior actually is.





Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably already heard that neediness is the number one attraction killer.


Dr. NerdLove even calls it “The Anti-Sex Equation.”


So what is neediness?


Neediness is the state of excessive desire for affirmation, affection or reassurance from others.


AJ Harbinger gives a good description of what neediness is in his article on “The Art of Charm.”

Why is neediness so repulsive to women? Let’s find out what women are saying about needy men.

Here’s a quote taken form an article written by journalist Radhika Sanghani in the Telegraph.  


 


If that’s not enough to knock your socks off, than have a look at the headline of the article:  


 


My god…women are literally writing articles with headlines that caution other women to “watch out” for what they consider A PLAGUE.


 

A growing EPIDEMIC called the needy man.

 

But why is it that? Why do women despise needy men? In one word: weakness.


Women perceive needy men to be weak. And as you already learned in this article, women want strong men because it’s what evolution has built into them over the last two million years.


You can either hate it or accept it, but I suggest you accept it and work with it.


There’s no point in resenting it because that won’t change a damn thing. It’s like resenting the ocean for being wet. Your feelings won’t change the fact that the ocean is wet.


If you want to learn how to really attract women, than you need to kill the neediness inside.  


And if you are serious about completely eliminating all needy behavior, then check out The Neediness Destroyer. It’s our best technique to completely kill your neediness in just six minutes a day over the next ninety days.


Download it here today.

Anthony Robbins says that the key to succeeding in life is 20% skill and 80% psychology. In other words: 80% is your inner world, your attitude, or your self-


image.  


Sadly, most men are looking for the quick and easy fix, the “how to” guide or the magic pill.  


They submerge themselves in learning dating or pick-up techniques in the hopes of getting their love-lives under control when, in reality, their inner game is much more important.  


Why is it more important to improve yourself as a person? Because you attract what you are.  


Margaret Paul PhD, best-selling author and relationship expert, states it clearly in her article on the Huffington Post:  


 


Listen. You can learn all the dating techniques in the world, but if you are needy inside, you’ll attract women that are ok with needy men.  


These are typically low-quality women with a lot of psychological issues themselves. Usually they are also MUCH less physically attractive.  


So if you don’t want to settle for a woman that you’re not attracted to, or stay alone for the rest of your life, start working on “who you are.”  


Here’s another example of the importance of your inner world and psychology.  


If you google “how to approach women”, how many results to you get?  


You get 331 million pages JAM PACKED with methods to approach women.  


Let me say that again: you get 331 MILLION pages filled with “how to’s” on how to approach and start conversations with women.  


 


With 331 MILLION approach strategies freely available on the web, most men should be “approach machines,” right?


Well, guess what’s still the number one problem men have in dating?


If you guessed approaching and starting conversations, you’re right!


Why is that?  


It’s because “how to’s” are not the answer.


Don’t get me wrong. You “definitely” need “how to’s.”


But if you “only” work on the “how to’s” without working on your psychology to conquer approach anxiety, you won’t make progress or your progress will be VERY slow.


Morty Lefkoe completed an interesting study. He recruited a group of male volunteers with approach anxiety. He found that approach anxiety is caused partly by negative self-esteem beliefs and partly by limiting relationships beliefs.


Here are the limiting self-esteem beliefs Morty found:  


 


And here are thirty-six different limiting beliefs men had about approaching women.  


 


You can see that approach anxiety is mostly a psychological problem.


If you only work on your skills but not on your psychology, you won’t get results or at best you’ll see some small improvements that probably won’t last.  

If women (or men) treat you bad, it’s because you lack assertiveness. And if you think it’s not your fault, think again.


How a woman chooses to treat you is her choice, granted, but how you choose to deal with it is your choice.You need to learn to stand up for yourself.  





For example: if you go on a date with a woman and she starts to complain about her ex, it’s your responsibility to stop this.


If you don’t, you’ll end up being her emotional tampon, and after your date she’ll probably call her ex for some steamy-window activities.


You can easily stop this behavior by saying: “Listen, Jenifer. I’m sorry things didn’t work out between you and your ex, but I’m not here to talk about your ex.”


Next time this happens just try it and watch how her attraction for you will spike.


Why does this make her attracted to you? According to Made Men, it’s because assertiveness is a character trait of strong, powerful men.


Here at HQ Introverted Badass, we couldn’t agree more.


As we already discussed in this article, women are naturally attracted to strong, powerful men and for good evolutionary reasons.


If a woman mates with a strong, powerful man, both she and the baby will have a stronger chance of surviving.


The good news? Assertiveness is a skill. You can learn it.

David Wong from Cracked also wrote a post on this earlier in 2012. In fact he updates that same article every year.


How can I get the girl? How can I make her love me? How can I attract women?


These are typical questions guys ask themselves.


Then they might buy a book or some online training that typically starts with a chapter that tells them to improve themselves as a man. Instead of reading that chapter, most men skip right to the technique’s section.


Then they go onto forums, critiquing other people’s posts or showing off their “theoretical” knowledge of the dating methods they learned.


But do you think they actually go out and approach women? 95% don’t.


And the ones who do go out and try quickly find that those techniques don’t work quite as well as they’d hoped. This leads them





back online looking for the next magic technique. Rarely do they start working on improving themselves as people.  


If you are asking yourself questions like, “How can I get the girl?” STOP.


Instead ask yourself, “How can I become the kind of man that naturally attracts women?”


Do you see the difference?


The first question looks for the magic pill. The second question aims to improve yourself as a man. It’s about becoming the best version of yourself.


And the worst part?


You know that you should be taking this approach; you know you should be working on becoming the best version of yourself.


If you’re frustrated, deep down you know it’s because you don’t take action. You know you don’t put in the effort that you have to put in. And you know you can do better.


If you’re honest with yourself, you don’t even like yourself for behaving like that.


Now tell me something: How can you expect a woman to like you if you don’t even like yourself?


I’m not saying this is how you behave. Maybe you do, maybe you don’t.


But if you do, take action and get your shit together.

Conclusion

The REAL solution to drive women wild is NOT to become the bad boy. It’s to ditch the nice guy and transform into the Good Bad Boy.


The Good Bad Boy combines the good qualities from both the good guy and the bad guy without any of their bad sides.


When you become the Good Bad Boy, you’ll trigger ALL THREE PARTS of her brain and give her a unique TOTAL BRAIN attraction experience.


And the only way to do that is by taking action.


Action takers get results, not knowledge seekers.


Speaking of taking action, I’ve included a killer bonus package that will help you become that mythical man called the Good Bad Boy.


The Good Bad Boy package consists of five resources:  


1. My Number One Inner Game Technique: How to create core confidence, kill neediness, and become a challenge in just 90 days even if you’ve been shy all your life.


2. The Sexual Eye Contact Technique: How to create sexual tension just by looking at her—even if you’ve always been terrible at eye contact.


3. Sexual Conversations Cheat Sheet: How to create sexual tension just by talking to her— all while making it completely safe for her.


4. The Touch Guide: How to create sexual tension just by touching her—without EVER trespassing.


5. Plus A SUPER SECRET bonus.

Download this bonus training.

The Good Bad Boy Package. How To Drive Women Wild Like A Bad Boy Without Becoming One.